Friday, June 01, 2007

Here at home

Here I am at home with Wyatt. He's 9 months old now. I'm enjoying the freedom of being a stay at home mom. However I feel a bit stifled. While my days are unscheduled except for feedings and naps there are drawbacks. I really don't have any right to dwell on them. I know I'm fortunate to be here feeling this way instead of chained to a desk in an office for eight hours. It's just that I need a medium of expression and this is it. There is no person to whom I can truly communicate with on this topic. So here I am again. Back to my old friend, my blog. I need something more in my life to feel productive and satisfied. I spend so much of my day alone, with no outside contact. Wyatt isn't much of a conversationalist. Ax works then goes to the gym a couple of nights a week. He takes his lunch to work most days but sometimes goes out with friends from work. I am here. For endless hours. I am here. I go out when we need something from a store. Once every couple of weeks I go out to lunch with my mother. In the evenings I cook dinner, do the dishes, feed the baby, take care of the baby, make Ax's lunch for the next day. I get so little time with Ax. He doesn't realize how adversely this is affecting me. The weekends are a little better but then Ax is amusing himself with video games or TV and I'm left cooking and cleaning again. The more I ponder these things the more I see that I'm glad that I am able to stay at home with Wyatt otherwise I'd feel overwhelmed with the responsibility of working and then having a household to take care of and next to no time for quality time. I am certainly thankful for my blessings. It just seems that something is lacking. And despite whether or not I could identify what's missing I would have no means to be able to fill the gap.

4 Comments:

Blogger Lizzle said...

HEY! YOU'RE BACK!

I was just about ready to give up on you as I was pretty sure I had seen a few tumbleweeds rolling across your blog the other day!

Try not to let it get to you. (The grass is always greener someplace else.) But of you need some more time with your hubby, TELL HIM. (They really are that clueless!)

Welcome back!

11:57 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Ha! I checked on you today for some random reason and you're here!

I can imagine the loneliness of what you're going through. Full-time taking care of something and stuck with your own thoughts all day long, isolated. It would eat at me too.

You should come around more often :)

12:55 PM  
Blogger green_canary said...

Girlie, what you're feeling is normal. Don't feel bad for feeling isolated and less-than-inspired. Transitioning to motherhood is hard enough on its own. Add to it the change in lifestyle of being home and the isolation that brings with it and it's enough to make you batty.

I suggest you find a MOPS group near you (Mothers of Preschoolers) and get involved. Find other moms who are in the same place as you so that you have allies and friends you can turn to.

I also agree with lizzle. Tell Ax. Boys don't get it... They need a little hand-holding at the start.

Hang in there and keep blogging! We missed you :)

1:10 PM  
Blogger meghansdiscontent said...

Come BACK!

9:12 PM  

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