Fear and Family

I went to lunch with my brother, Jeff, yesterday. He is out of re-hab for the umpteenth time.When he called to say that he was coming to meet me for lunch I could feel the emotion in me rising. The tears welling behind my eyes, the knot in the pit of my stomach. Jeff has such a special place in my heart. I was always closer to him when we were growing up. We've just always had a sweet and special bond. As we grew older I suppose that we became more alike and he seemed to find glee in pushing my buttons. I suspect now that he was mean to me because of his addiction and he disliked me because he misunderstood me...i.e. he thought I considered myself upright, uptight, or better than him. I was never any of those things in my mind. I'm not sure if I really ever did anything to perpetuate these thoughts in Jeff's head. Anyway, the point is that Jeff and I have come full circle. He is struggling so very hard and miserably with his addiction. Five years is an awfully long time. Jeff struggles with a lot of guilt too. He has three little children: Aaron age 6, Lauren age 5, Preslie age 1. Jeff told me at lunch that he would spend 12 hours a day looking for a way to get high. That is just about all of his waking hours. He said he felt like it was a second job. Jeff has taught me a lot about drug users. I always thought drug addicts were bums with no jobs, living on street corners. Jeff has managaed to keep a good job with the City throughout his entire addiction and stints in rehab. Although he has lost his house and almost everything of value that he could sell. I have prayed so very much for Jeff. But I understand that Jeff has a free will that not even God will interfere with. Jeff told me that he is seeking God. He realizes that he can't control his own life so he must give that control to God. I sincerely hope that Jeff moves forward with that realization. He can talk a good game but in order to give control to God a person MUST seek him. Seek Him through his Word and through fellowship with other like-minded individuals. I have thought of Jeff so much lately. I want so very badly for him to succeed. I would do absolutely anything for him. I just don't know what to do. I called him today. Told him I was thinking of him and that I loved him. I want to do more for Jeff. I just don't know what to do unless he asks me for something. God please surround Jeff with your spirit and give him strength to overcome his addicition for the rest of his life so that he may be your servant.
On a very wonderful note, MY DAD IS IN MISSISSIPPI...HOME FROM IRAQ!!!!!! Praise God. I can't wait to hug his neck. Thank you God for my earthly father, who is truly a good man. Thank you for bringing him home.