Family for Sale

Yup, they're for sale. And cheap too. Cause they are ROTTEN. Anyway, the story continues from the Liar Liar post with my mom calling my granny and uncle and freaking out completely. Granny keeps saying that she did too tell my mother. Granny says my mother told her to "Sell the damn thing." First of all my granny if famous for hearing what she wants to hear and then doing whatever she feels like doing. Second of all my mother is a control freak who if in fact had agreed to the selling of the houses to Mike (which she didn't) she would have been very involved in the process. Uncle Mike has since told mother that he had the property appraised before the transaction and was told that over $50,000 worth of electrical work and repairs would have to be done before they could get homeowners insurance. Mike is a handy man and did all the work himself. My mom has laid off a bit since gaining this new information however she still feels lied to and cheated as well in regard to inheritance issues. While I personally do not have a dog in this fight (as we say in North GA) I do sympathize greatly with my mother. It is a despicable and underhanded thing that my granny has done. Mike is a greedy, lousy excuse for a human being who is only out for himself. And with that being said, it helped me to arrive at a very important conclusion.
I called uncle Mike and informed him that I would be delivering all of granny's horrible financial CRAPPOLA (a technical/financial term) to his very lovely doorstep. I can not describe the weight lifted from my shoulders to know that I was FINISHED with all her MESS. If Mike owns all the goods then it's only fair for him to have the headaches too. Granny tried to give me some ludicrous guilt trip. Telling me that she really wanted me to handle her matters, that she felt more comfortable with me taking care of it. I could hardly contain my hysterical laughter. Granny and Mike deserve this, need this. Not me. It was bearing down on me with worry about tracking down all these checks, possible prosecution, and not to mention the church account. But now I'M FREE!!! Like Willy!!! Remember him??!!
The next part of the saga began when Ax and I arrived at granny's and uncle Mike's house to deliver the financial stuff. First of all, Granny's car was gone. Hmmm....where could it be when granny was obviously home?? You got it, Mark was gone in her car. It seems his promises as well as granny's were just soooo GREATTTTT!!! Ax and I were disgusted with this to say the least but headed down the sidewalk to Mike's house to unload the paperwork. Upon our arrival Mike had already had a few beers as well as shots of liquor. Just wonderful! What a family I have! However all was actually fairly decent during the visit, that is, until we began to make our exit. The phone rang. Guess who??! MARK WAS CALLING FROM JAIL. Mark wouldn't say what he was arrested for however he did give us a phone number as to where to locate granny's car. First we called the jail to ask what the charges Mark had been arrested for where. Check fraud and criminal simulation (seems to be a charge for doing something like trying to sell flour and saying it's cocaine). Next, the number was dialed that Mark had given us by Mike's wife, Helen. Helen immediately began screaming at the lady who answered. Well, what does that get ya? YELLED BACK AT THAT'S WHAT. So Helen hands the phone to me. I calmly begin a dialogue with this individual and actually communicate reasonably considering that she is obviously a crack dealer and most likely a user. Her name is Sharon and she informs me that Mark has traded my granny's car for crack. YES, THAT'S RIGHT....CRACK. I began to deceptively attempt to set up a meeting to get the car back and pay Mark's debt to the dealer. DECEPTIVELY is the key word. My goal was to find out where the car was to call the police so they could make arrests and retrieve the car. However sometime during my lovely conversation with Sharon The Crackhead my uncle Mike misunderstands my plan and thinks I'm dumb enough to #1 - Give money to Crackheads, and #2 - Actually meet them at all. Mike begins to berate me and tell me how stupid I am. Needless to say this did NOT go over well with me. I began to tell Mike what a complete moron I thought he was and I told him that he was pissing me off! I told him that if he could do better with this situation then he could have at it! Mike then mentioned that he did not appreciate me talking the Crackheads on his telephone. I looked at him with the most sarcastic look I could muster (with Ax close by mind you) and told him to do something about it. Mike wisely responded that he guessed that was the problem. He could do NOTHING about it. It gave me satisfaction to see the old idiot SHUT UP. However I was too angry at this point and walked out. Granny cried and said she didn't want me to go but I was DONE with it. I told her Mike was the evident genius in the room and he could take care of it.
I'm glad it's over. Granny called me this morning and told me that her car had been found. I couldn't wait to get off the phone with her. It's going to be awhile before I have a desire to talk to her again.