Guilt

I feel guilty. Ax and I imbibed this weekend. Rather to say that we got really, really smashed Saturday night. We had decent fun but the hangover on Sunday was absolute hell. I feel guilty because I am off the pill and what if I were to get pregnant and not know it?? I am a dumbass for drinking when I couldn't tell you for 100% that I'm not pregnant. What is wrong with me? It's obvious that I should refrain if there is even one iota of possibility. It just seems that I have this stupid notion that I'd just "know" if I were pregnant. But how could anyone "know" if they were only a week or two along? I suppose it would take longer to figure it out. I have decided that this guilt is not worth it. I will stop drinking. PERIOD. I have always thought that I was smarter than this. Endangering my unborn child for what? Falling into the bushes, pulling over to barf in my neighbors yard because I couldn't make it home and then a hellish hangover? I am going to work on being smarter now before I do something irrevocably ignorant.

It has really hit me this morning, as I am expecting to "start" today. I have been worrying and reading up on drinking during pregnancy. I've read that "binge" drinking during the early weeks of pregnancy can be harmful to a fetus. However what I've read also tries to soften the blow by saying that one episode of this before knowing you are pregnant will most likely not have any lasting result. Regardless, what moron would take the chance? I am that moron. But not anymore.