Dealing

This new experience is a bit taxing on both my physical and emotional resources. I feel very tired yet I've done nothing to be tired for.
Ax and I told both of our sets of parents the news this weekend. It seems he is excited to share the news. However he is obsessive over me not working when the baby is born. Obsessive in the sense of constantly worrying about money. He stressed me out so badly Saturday night that I was hysterical for a while. If I were to stop working after the baby is born we could make it on what Ax makes, on a very tight budget. I think we could do it. Yet Ax keeps making comments about what if he wants a new CD, it's going to break us. No more eating out. There's not an allocation in the budget for clothing.
He keeps pointing out everything that is wrong and negative. I've told him that I'm not lazy. If I have to work to make ends meet, then I will. It's just that Ax seems to be showing his materialistic side. It seems these sacrifices would be very small to the reward of not having to use a daycare. Obviously, he sees things differently. I've told him that I will try to make arrangements here at work to come back part-time after the baby is born if they will let me. I work for a small city government and such things are like an act of Congress. So really, it's not up to me. I can ask, but my boss would have to be my advocate.
What really upsets me about all the discussion listed above is that we are in such an early stage of this. For pete's sake, I haven't even been to the friggin doctor yet. It seems these arguments and concerns are far too premature. Why can't we just relax and revel in the moment for a damn day or two? But instead Ax is hounding me, guilting me. I don't have the answers and the frustration is so very depressing and tiring. I hope I don't look back on all this as my most prominent memories of this news.
I told Ax Saturday night that I was open to doing whatever it took to make things workout. I told him that I wouldn't burn any bridges at work. I also told him that whatever else he had to say on this stressful topic had better be said that night because I was NOT discussing it any further. It seems he understood because he has shutup about it all. He almost brought something up yesterday and immediately changed the subject. I guess he can see that I am already a bundle of nerves.
I had always thought that this would be a joyful time in my life. I've come to be disappointed on that note.
What further contributes to my dismay is that I am 28 and Ax is 27. We'll have been married for 4 years in April. If we aren't ready now then how the hell did we expect that we EVER would be? And I know that Ax is worried, but why does he have to project all that on to me right now? I mean damn it, I can't un-do anything, so lay off!
So there's the reality of my life. I am optimistic that we are just at a rough spot that is already passing. Ax is a very loving husband. He is as reliable as the day is long. I understand that these are attributes, they can also be shackles. I believe that our horrible "discussion" Saturday night really did help him to understand where I'm coming from. My optimism says that we'll be okay from here on out. I know that there will still be other issues to deal with. Just hopefully they wont be as intensely frustrating as Saturday night was.
So, with all that said, I need a nap. But actually, I have to get to work.
But I can't end with all that negativity. It really sounds as thouht Ax is awful. He really isn't. He's talked about getting a book to follow the baby's development. He's planning a yardsale to clean out our other bedroom to make a nursery. He also bought a Star Wars Darth Vader Mr. Potatohead for the baby. He'll be a great daddy.