Pregnancy Brain

Yep, I've officially got it. I can feel myself getting dumber and dumber by the minute. I don't know how to describe it fully. Just a lack of concentration. And a serious lack of effort to focus.

It seems that making it thru the workday is so much more of a chore than it's ever been. I watch the clock tick and daydream about lounging on the couch and taking leisurely naps. The self control required to keep myself at this desk is becoming more and more daunting. Lack of concentration and fatigue are my enemies in this battle. I will be 8 months as of next week. I can't believe it. My belly has grown a lot and it has more to go.

I try not to think about the future too much. It only causes me a bit of anxiety. The short term worries of no sleep and all the expenses coming our way are daunting. The long term thoughts of how drastically life will change.

There is a woman at the post office. She is a pretty lady in her late 40's I suppose. I see her often to mail packages from Ax's ebay sales. The lady, Mary, and I have spoken a few times. She's told me that she was only pregnant once, with her son. He's now on his way to college.
Many things about Mary linger in my mind. I have wondered what it's like to be her. To have only one child who's leaving the nest. To have a stable job and work the 40 hour a week drudge. What if I'm her when I'm almost 50? I don't know if I want to be. I want more. Maybe she has more and is happy. It's just my imagination going into over drive. The only sense I can make of where my brain is going is that I need to consider what I want my life to be like when I'm almost 50. And then work to make it happen.