Maybe My Little Brother's First Memory.... for Birdie
A MONSTER IN THE TOILET
When I was a kid we lived in a crappy part of town, okay it was the white ghetto. I was around 7 years old and my cousin, EB, lived with us at the time. My youngest brother, Jeff, woke up late one night to go tinkle. He would've been around 3 at the time. The house was dark and quiet. The little pip-squeak probably couldn't have reached the light switch anyway.
Suddenly he comes running out of the bathroom screaming like an ax murderer is chasing him. He was yelling that there was a monster in the toilet!
My cousin EB went to calm him and show him that there was nothing in the toilet.
EB started screaming.
My dad went in to check on them to see what in name of Mount Vesuvius was wrong.
My dad started screaming. ...(We're a bunch of screamers....umkay.)
There was a HUGE SEWER RAT IN THE TOILET.
**The story has been told and re-told many times in my family. To hear it told now, it would be said that the rat was doing the back stroke. It was also so huge that they could've thrown a saddle on it and ridden it out.**
The next part of the excitement, after my dad realized that there was indeed a monster in the toilet, consisted of him donning his army boots and attaching a large kitchen knife to a broom handle with duct tape. (Yep, we're hicks...you knew there'd be duct tape in this story somewhere.)
Maybe he had on his army helmet too. I don't know. It's certainly funny to picture though.
Daddy and EB went to war with the giant sewer rat. We could hear it screeching.
My mom kept us kids safe from the terrible monster. It was probably more like they couldn't have paid the woman millions to go anywhere near that toilet.
When I was a kid we lived in a crappy part of town, okay it was the white ghetto. I was around 7 years old and my cousin, EB, lived with us at the time. My youngest brother, Jeff, woke up late one night to go tinkle. He would've been around 3 at the time. The house was dark and quiet. The little pip-squeak probably couldn't have reached the light switch anyway.
Suddenly he comes running out of the bathroom screaming like an ax murderer is chasing him. He was yelling that there was a monster in the toilet!
My cousin EB went to calm him and show him that there was nothing in the toilet.
EB started screaming.
My dad went in to check on them to see what in name of Mount Vesuvius was wrong.
My dad started screaming. ...(We're a bunch of screamers....umkay.)
There was a HUGE SEWER RAT IN THE TOILET.
**The story has been told and re-told many times in my family. To hear it told now, it would be said that the rat was doing the back stroke. It was also so huge that they could've thrown a saddle on it and ridden it out.**
The next part of the excitement, after my dad realized that there was indeed a monster in the toilet, consisted of him donning his army boots and attaching a large kitchen knife to a broom handle with duct tape. (Yep, we're hicks...you knew there'd be duct tape in this story somewhere.)
Maybe he had on his army helmet too. I don't know. It's certainly funny to picture though.
Daddy and EB went to war with the giant sewer rat. We could hear it screeching.
My mom kept us kids safe from the terrible monster. It was probably more like they couldn't have paid the woman millions to go anywhere near that toilet.
posted by Jenni at
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
2 Comments:
OMG! If there had been a rat in my toilet, I would have shit myself and run away screaming too!
And picturing your dad with rat-killing accessories is pure comedy.
not THAT is freakin hilarious! i love that there's a story out there that involves an ACTUAL rodent and not a FAKE one.
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