Here at home

Here I am at home with Wyatt. He's 9 months old now. I'm enjoying the freedom of being a stay at home mom. However I feel a bit stifled. While my days are unscheduled except for feedings and naps there are drawbacks. I really don't have any right to dwell on them. I know I'm fortunate to be here feeling this way instead of chained to a desk in an office for eight hours. It's just that I need a medium of expression and this is it. There is no person to whom I can truly communicate with on this topic. So here I am again. Back to my old friend, my blog. I need something more in my life to feel productive and satisfied. I spend so much of my day alone, with no outside contact. Wyatt isn't much of a conversationalist. Ax works then goes to the gym a couple of nights a week. He takes his lunch to work most days but sometimes goes out with friends from work. I am here. For endless hours. I am here. I go out when we need something from a store. Once every couple of weeks I go out to lunch with my mother. In the evenings I cook dinner, do the dishes, feed the baby, take care of the baby, make Ax's lunch for the next day. I get so little time with Ax. He doesn't realize how adversely this is affecting me. The weekends are a little better but then Ax is amusing himself with video games or TV and I'm left cooking and cleaning again. The more I ponder these things the more I see that I'm glad that I am able to stay at home with Wyatt otherwise I'd feel overwhelmed with the responsibility of working and then having a household to take care of and next to no time for quality time. I am certainly thankful for my blessings. It just seems that something is lacking. And despite whether or not I could identify what's missing I would have no means to be able to fill the gap.