Monday, July 18, 2005

On My Mind

Today I mailed a package to Shannon. She is in a halfway house in Atlanta. I went to church with her when we were children. We took very different paths in life. She has been in jail in south Georgia for forgery and is now in a halfway house. We've been writing letters back and forth for a couple of months. Her mom mentioned in church that Shannon was in jail so I got her address and began writing her. Shannon's mom is raising her two kids for her. She needed some personal items for her stay in the halfway house. They will not let her go shopping unless family comes to get her. Shannon's mom will not go to Atlanta for this...which I don't blame her at all. Shannon also said it is very difficult to get her mom to send her anything. I can completely understand that. I'm sure that if I had a jailbird daughter whose kids I was raising I'd be a little less than anxious to run out and spend money on her and then get to the post office to mail them. So what's on my mind are the items that Shannon asked for. I mailed everything she requested with the exception of the number of metered envelopes. It all added up to quite a bit. That however isn't what's on my mind. Amoung the items requested were an umbrella, a house coat, a clear purse, cigaretts, a six pack of 20 oz. Pepsi's, and 25 metered envelopes. These items don't seem extremely necessary so as to request that they be shipped to you. And why 25 metered envelopes? Those suckers are .45 cents each. I only sent 10. I am worried about how strict they are at the facility she is in. I know they put certain things on a list that must be approved and then you must send in only what is on the list. I sent a little less. It's on my mind....I'm hoping that what I've sent will be adequate. Guess she'll let me know or the facility will return my package. That would make me MAD. I hope that Shannon will get everything. I pray for her. She has been in and out of jail several times. Leaning on God is the only way to walk a straight path.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005


When I'm driving down the road I can think of so many creative things to write about in this blog. Then I get here and wonder what the point is. There have been many things on my mind lately. As usual. The day started monotonously. The alarm goes off...I wonder why I have to get up. I know I have to go to work, but why? Then I robotically go get in the shower and begin a monotonous morning routine. Automatically doing everything. Why does life have to be so boring? I realize that if suddenly something were to happen that changed my routine I'd most likely be upset. I suppose I say that because usually only something bad would upset my routine. Like if for some reason I had no water. That would certainly throw a hitch into the plans. The same thing...everyday. Get up, get ready, drive to work, go into the office, sit at my computer for 8 hours with a measly 1 hour break, dread the day until 5, then it doesn't get much better. It's just a different set of 4 walls to stare at. Go home, make dinner, do laundry, do the dishes, put up the laundry, watch TV. Oh my god, I'm going to commit suicide. No I'm not. I'm just tired of my life. Don't get me wrong. I know that I am blessed with good health, a nice home, a sweet husband (most of the time), and an innumerable amout of other things to be thankful for. It's just that life seems so empty. Does it come down to me being too lazy to change it? I know that Ax hates and dispises change. I am not afraid to move from one home to another, to get a new job, to have a baby. He on the other hand is and I suppose his hang ups are stifling me. I have come to understand that the only way to truly be satisfied is to serve God. My heart loves Him but what does my life do for Him? I believe that my God given talent is to write. I am good at writing letters and composing things of that nature. Is there a way to use what I am good at for the glory of God? I don't really see a way. Should I print up a flier or something and hand it out at church that makes my ability available? Who the heck would need a service like that? Who would call? It sounds stupid. Not to mention the fact that Ax would not like it. He doesn't think anything should ever be done for free. I am the complete opposite of that. He wouldn't like me giving up my time for anything other than the afore mentioned monotonous daily routine. Where does this leave me? Miserable and unfufilled. I am searching for something but I don't know what. I desperately need something that I can't see, touch, feel or describe.