In the Middle

I had lunch with granny yesterday. She is looking so old and frail these days. I see her aged face and she tells me how it's getting to where she can't see that well. I feel strongly that she may not be with us much longer. She isn't sick or anything but she's always had heart issues. I don't know why I feel like I do. She just seems so much older to me these days. It worries me.
While at lunch, I brought up the subject of my mother. They aren't speaking since the whole house selling issue blew up. I talked to granny about calling my mother to try to build some semblance of a bridge between them. Granny started going into all the reasons why she's right about everything she's done. I told her that she didn't need to validate herself to me. I told her all I wanted was for her and Mother to talk again. Later, granny called Mother. Not suprisingly, Mother would not talk to her.
When I talked to granny at lunch that day I told her how I felt about things. I could care less about her house or anything she owns, as far as inheriting any of it goes. I told her that all I care about is her, and having her here with us, and loving her while she's here. It's the honest truth. While I am human and material things are necessary, I could absolutely care less about getting one single scrap of anything from her estate when she passes. I would like to have her Bible for sentimental reasons. But the antiques, piano, porcelain Princess Diana dolls, and many other things of significant value mean nothing to me. I might only like to have something small as a reminder of her. The vultures I call family can have the rest. Granny is what is most valuable to me. The person she is, the life she's lived, the positive influence she's been on my life. She's shown me how important it is to have a relationship with God. She's shown me how to welcome someone into my home and make them feel loved. Granny is not perfect, but she has always loved us all. I will be happy if she is around for another 20 years. It seems that my mother is too preoccupied with granny's death. Mother is so angry and bitter over granny's house being sold to her brother, Mike. Mother is disgusted with the idea of Helen (Mike's wife, whom we all despise) living in granny's house. Mother also can not stand the idea of Mike's kids inheriting everything when all they've ever been is a bunch of leeches.
I had encouraged granny to call Mother to try to build a bridge. Mother will never get the apology she deserves. She will never get back what has been given away. Nothing can be undone. All that's left is for my mother to find a way to have a decent relationship with her mother, my granny. After I found out that Mother refused to talk to granny, I called her. I tried to tell her that material things will all become dust. Love is all that matters. While I know that sounds like a cheesy song, it's the steadfast truth. The Bible says it, we all know it deep down. The love that we give and leave behind are all that we are worth as people.
Mother and granny are just going to have to agree to disagree. There will be no apologies or meeting of hearts. The best I can hope for is decency between them.
It's such a heartache for me to be in the middle. I feel drained after talking to my mother. I know that some of her bitterness over all this comes from feeling as if she were unwanted as a child. Mother says that she was basically raised by her grandparents until she was old enough to start school. She told me that she only went home on weekends. She has also told me that she absolutely loved being with her "Mommie and Poppie". So it's not like she was ever locked in a closet or anything. She was nurtured and spoiled. Mother told me that she overheard my granny talking once to a friend and said that when she found out she was pregnant with my mother she cried. I asked granny about this. She said if she cried it was because she knew she was in for a difficult pregnancy, as the first with my mother's older brother had been.
I don't know what it's like to walk in my mother's shoes. I know that I have A LOT of love for my mother. She is an amazing, independent, strong woman. If my mother has even a semblance of love for her own mother that I have for her then surely there must be some way for them to reconcile.

Not So Sure

My mom e-mailed me and asked what I thought about the family going back to Gatlinburg for Christmas this year. I'm not so sure this would be a good idea. My Aunt Jackie and her family were there with us last year and we had a good time. However due to the unfortunate situation with my Aunt Jackie as posted in a previous post I'm thinking we should have a home town Christmas this year. While I must admit that when Jackie isn't suffering from some mental issue she really does have one helluva sense of humor. She is funny beyond belief and can have you rolling in the floor with laughter.
It's just that there are too many potential problems with a Gatlinburg Christmas. Obviously Jackie and Preslie would be in close proximity. And I believe my feelings on that issue have been made evident. Not to mention the horrible inconvenience of loading up everyone's Christmas gifts and all the decorations. "Yikes!" is all I can think of on that note. Ax would be totally grouchy about all that. We also missed out on his family's Christmas gathering last year.

A big part of me really, really hopes that mom decides not do this again this year. However there is another part of me who had fun last year and wants do it again. In the end, it isn't up to me. I'll be in the middle. Most likely mom will want us all to go and Ax will not. They can box over it. I'll be on the sides, watching.

Good looks RUINED

I'm chillin here at my desk, surfing the net, munching on some grindage. Suddenly a totally hot guy walks up to my window. I barely look up for fear that I may have some grindage crumbs on my face. So hottie guy tells me his name, I ask him to spell it. We proceed and he pays his speeding ticket. As I hand him his receipt, all is ruined. He flashes a smile. Normally a smile is a good thing. Not the case here. I hope I was able to aptly hide the disgust in my mind from manifesting itself on my face as I saw something truly awful. He was missing one front tooth. A very important tooth, the one on the right from my point of view. Utter disappointment was mixed with a twinge of amusement. His smile was as big as the gaping black hole that stared back at me. Any good physical qualities were hereby null and void with the missing of this all important tooth. I'm left wondering what could cross this young man's path that will be forever changed because of unconscious reflex actions of repulse. If he were a seven year old, it would be endearing. But a grown man with a missing front tooth is disgusting. Leroy, get those damned teeth fixed!

Often, people fail to realize how important their teeth really are. Obviously, not just for eating but for overall attractiveness. New television shows have helped to increase awareness, but evidently not enough for 'ol Leroy. Now that you've all been educated as to my opinions on oral hygiene, I say good day. I said, Good Day!

My Aunt Jackie

My aunt Jackie is the youngest of four siblings. My dad is the oldest, then Connie, then Johnna Faye (who passed away August 2003), then Jackie. Jackie is 40 years old and has been married three times. With her first husband she had a daughter, Chasity. Chasity's grandparents raised her. Jackie then had two daughters (Haven and Mandi) with her second husband. Their grandparents raised them. Yes, you've read it right. She is the biological mother of three children but did not raise or pay child support for any of them. Jackie is currently married to Todd, who is in the military with my dad. My dad introduced them.
I believe that Jackie is suffering from serious mental and emotional health issues. In summation, I think she's crazy. It all started when Johnna Faye passed away. Jackie and Johnna Faye had never been close. Actually, they despised each other. Jackie's self image is of being a spoiled princess. Johnna Faye's self image was awful. She was an alcoholic/drug user who basically killed herself with addiction. She had been a prostitute and dated a man that beat the holy crap out of her regularly. Jackie completely flipped out when Johnna Faye died. My honest assessment of the situation is that my aunt Jackie craves attention and used Johnna Faye's death as a selfish avenue. The funny thing is that Johnna Faye would've been the very first person to tell Jackie to shut up and get over it.
In November 2004, Haven had a baby (Ashton) with her piece of crap boyfriend. Obviously Haven never really had a parental example of a healthy relationship. They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I believe it. However, I digress. For Christmas 2004 my entire family (except dad who as in Iraq) took a family trip to Gatlinburg, TN. We all stayed in a big cabin together. My little brother Jeff and his wife Kelli were there with their three children. The youngest (Preslie) was about the same age as Ashton.
A horrible thing happened next. Little Ashton passed away at 4 months old in February 2005. Understandably, Jackie was/is extremely distraught. The problem is that now, almost 10 months later, Jackie refuses to be anywhere near Preslie. Jackie refuses to attend any family function that Preslie will be at. Jackie has evidently projected some terribly mis-guided grief onto Preslie. Jackie has actually said that she is resentful that Preslie is still with us. Is this not the SICKEST thing you've ever heard of?!
All I know is that if I'm ever around and I personally witness Jackie mistreating little Preslie in any way, shape, fashion, or form I will beat her to an unrecognizable pulp. Not a threat, a promise.

The Right to Vote

I've come across a posting on Courttv.com regarding the opinion of a well educated and no doubt high-society minded woman, a Ms. Lisa Bloom.
http://www.courttv.com/people/bloom_blog/111605_voting_ctv.html
She is of the opinion that convicted felons should have the right to vote. Her argument references suffragists who fought for women's right to cast ballots. I wonder if Ms. Bloom considers herself a modern day suffragist, as she boldly displays her personal views on Courttv.com. She states that felons should be given a "voter registration packet and good newspapers" upon release from prison. Ms. Bloom also thinks that felons, upon release, should begin taking their children to the voting polls with them. The article also refers to the voting power of the African American population basically being suppressed due to high incarceration rates.
I take issue with just about every argument Ms. Bloom makes. The foremost problem I identify is that this is entirely unrealistic. Wouldn't we be living in a world of floating fairies, rainbows, and furry little kittens if even the majority of convicted felons would rehabilitate? Instead, here we are, stuck forever in reality, where the vast majority of felons recidivate. Not to mention the obvious, which is both their questionable character and lacking morality that contributed to criminal activity in the first place. I find it ludicrous that anyone would be naive enough to believe that an individual who has evidently graduated from the commission of misdemeanors to the commission and conviction of felonies would ever take the time to vote. Giving convicted felons the privilege to participate in choosing political leaders is insane. Political leaders are chosen to represent the ideals of the majority. Thankfully the majority is law abiding. Ms. Bloom takes the unfair and extinct literacy law enforced upon freed slaves to prevent them from voting and compares it to the law that a convicted African American felon can not vote. I would obviously agree that the literacy law was created to oppress. However the law that prevents felons from voting hopes to weed out individuals lacking in character and morality from casting ballots, not an entire race of people. If a large portion of a race becomes excluded as a result of this law a far greater problem lies elsewhere. Convicted felons should never have the right to influence the outcome of who may be our leaders. For that matter let us lower the voting age to seven before such a mockery is made of us all.
It's hard to comprehend the absurdity of it. I wonder if Ms. Bloom would rest easier knowing that the politicians running our country were voted into office by the very people who made her fear living in the society itself?

Emotions on Edge

There is a family in the Chattanooga area that has experience tremendous loss.
http://www.chattanoogan.com/articles/article_76339.asp
Through their loss I understand the meaning of being thankful to God for my abundant blessings. I have difficulty comprehending other people's loss and tragedy. It seems as though when things happen out of my line of sight I fail to truly acknowledge the depth of the situation. The family mentioned in this article is suffering unimaginably. I pray that God gives them strength and peace in their suffering. When reading about them I can't help but recognize how fortunate I am. My family may be a bit crazy but they are here with me and are healthy for the most part. But I have to question, what makes me so different from this family and others who are suffering as a result of various issues, hurricanes and natural disasters? The good times are now. When will the suffering come? Or will I be fortunate enough to never experience it? It must surely be a fine line that we all walk. The life we live is fragile. Lives can be fractured or lost in a slight second. Although it's obvious that a person can't let fear of loss keep them from living. It just seems overwhelming to contemplate life and it's fragility.
What will I have left behind when I'm gone? What will the memory of me be? I know exactly what I want it to be. I suppose the answer now is to live and work to make that image a reality while I'm able. I want to be remembered as godly, loving, trustworthy, sensible, reliable, and intelligent. May God lead and guide me to be as He wants me to be.

Shhhh...Don't Tell Anyone

I have a secret to confess. As of Sunday I am off the pill! While this excites me, it also scares the everlovin' crap out of me. I have somewhat conviced Ax that it will take at the very least a year for me to become "expectant". I like the term "expecting". It sounds sweeter that "pregnant". Anyway, truthfully and obviously, I have no idea how long it will take me to become expectant. I've been on the pill for ten years now. After my divorce I went off them for awhile and it seemed my "system" was totally screwed up during that time. However thyroid problems could have been an issue and that is now under control. So who know what will happen? Only God. I've prayed that He be in control and that my life be lived according to His perfect will. No matter how it plays out I can't help the excitement within me. I have no one in my life that I talk to about such things. I talk to only one girl, Sherri, that I went to high school with. And ironically she has just had a hysterectomy. Sherri has an eight year old boy that is severly austistic. I understand that she certainly has valid reasons for her choice. It just seems beyond odd for me to call her up with this news when her surgery was only a few days ago. So, internet world, it's you who I'm telling!! I don't really talk to my mother about stuff like this. She is honestly and truly the absolute busiest person I know. It seems difficult at times to get her attention long enough to confide in her.
Anyways, Ax is totally apprehensive. He knows I'm off the pill and worries that I'll become expectant in guiness world record time. I've tried to convince him otherwise. It feels somewhat deceitful on my part because in my heart of hearts I'd be happy if I found out tomorrow that my hopes had been fulfilled. Odd place to be in, I tell you. Wanting something but scared of what I'm wanting. Oh well, I know that when it happens it will be wonderful.
It's completely strange how for so many years of my life I feared becoming expectant. Obviously I even have a bit of an aversion to the word itself, not to mention anxiety about the condition. And now, I'm hoping for it.

The Faith and The Questions

I'm often left confused after reading opinions about both the War in Iraq and the Christian Faith. I realize that our President may not have been completely forthcoming regarding weapons of mass destruction. However I can't help but see a much larger picture outside of those mainly political rants. My larger picture revolves around the issue of love. Love is Faith.
http://www.chattanoogan.com/articles/article_76165.asp
I dearly love my earthly father. My family had to suffer his absence while he served in Iraq. My foremost memory of his service there revolves around both his words and pictures. Pictures and memories of children. Children who were bound to grow up under the tyrannical, torturous rule of Saddam Hussein. Little boys and girls with innocence framing their faces, clutching coloring books and pencils. They will now be able to grow up in a country with a democratic government. While it won't be perfect, it will undoubtedly be better, much better.
The lives that have been lost have not been lost in vain. Love for country, for democracy, and for God have led soldiers to make precious sacrifices. Love is the bigger picture that I see. Weapons of mass destruction are incidental in this war.
While I realize that America is not the "World Police" I also realize that having a conscience and a heart have a price. The price we pay is to take action while others sit idle, ignoring pleas for mercy. It is the job of those with power to deal mercifully with those in need.

My Granny, The Fake

My granny must be the most fake and phony woman alive. Her advanced age has helped her to perfect this persona. I have decided to continue my weekly lunch date with her despite the problems in aforementioned posts. I always buy her lunch because I know she doesn't have a money tree and because I do...his name is Ax. (Okay, so he's not my money tree, he's my husband who takes care of me and lets me buy my insane granny lunch.) My point here is that when I'm out with granny she overly gushes complements about/to me. How no one else cares about her, how I am the only one who thinks of her, blah blah blah. In reality I've come to understand that I may well have been the only one naive or blind enough to her ways to TOLERATE her. I believe that she attempts to "sweeten me up" ,shall we say, because I give her money, buy her groceries, and take her to lunch. Frankly, this sickens me. I know that my granny loves me I just don't understand why she thinks she has to say phony bullcrap things to me. A prime example of this is when we head out to lunch and I ask her where she'd like to eat. Granny says, "I don't care where we eat, I'm just glad to get to see you and spend time with you." GAG GAG GAG. Just effing say Wendy's, McDonald's, or some such place!!!! I would bet the world that she most certainly knows that I'd do everything I do for her (and more if she asked) without all the empty words.

I have come to suspect that in addition to phoniness the character trait of "manipulative" can also be added to the description of granny's lovely personality. I truly believe that she purposely got herself into the big fat financial mess she's in just because she knew that I (or my mom) would offer to take it all off her hands. Like I've said before, she may be 80 but she's by no means stupid. She knows that her age is on her side. People take pity on the elderly. Not to mention the number she pulled on my mother regarding the property that was basically given to my uncle Mike. As far as the financial mess goes, I really hope that I threw a major wrench into the plans when I gave it all over to my uncle Mike. It's so very appropriate for him to have it all.

Pink Plates for DUI Offenders

I absolutely love the idea of every convicted DUI offender being required to have a pink license plate. Officers being able to pull them over for no reason other than the pink plate is also genius in my opinion. Drunk drivers are society's bane. May they be forever humiliated for putting themselves and innocent drivers in mortal danger. I would vote this into law in a heartbeat.

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/L/LICENSE_PLATES?SITE=NYNYD&SECTION=STRANGE&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&
CTIME=2005-11-16-12-31-04

My Brother

My brother Jonathan is moving out of my parents house. He's 25. He moved out last week with a friend of his, Priscilla who is around 40 years old. Priscilla has always seemed weird to me. So needless to say I wasn't too suprised to hear that she and Jonathan (Jonny) got into an argument and Jonny moved back home. Well now Johnny has decided that he's going to move to Atlanta to be with his gay lover, Daniel. Daniel and Jonny fight often. Daniel is very, very jealous. He has knocked Jonny's tooth out in the past and caused many fights. I wish Jonny weren't gay. Okay, there, I said it. I just think it's a hard way of life. I love Jonny. I love Jonny friends (who are gay too). I just don't agree with the lifestyle. Just like I don't like that Jeff is a dope addict, but I love him anyway. I don't want Jonny to move to Atlanta. It's too far away. Daniel is crazy. He might hurt Jonny. This is making me sick.

Back OFF, It's MINE

I went to the antique store last week. While I was there I saw an absolutely beautiful dark rose colored Fenton glass bowl on a pedastal. This one is similar, but the one I want is WAAAYYYY prettier ("Prettier" being both the scientific and artistic description) . http://froogle.google.com/froogle_cluster?btnG=Search+Froogle&hl=en&oid==4838477716346087288&q
3222759661627425342&pid=4838477716346087288&q=
fenton+rose+comport+compote&scoring=p
I would have bought it the day I found it however due to my untimely ignorance, I lost it's location. The antique store is actually an antique mall that is mega huge. I saw my beloved glass bowl and thought I'd get an employee to rescue it from it's glass case prison as I was leaving. My departure time approached and I began to try to locate my prize. Oh but no, I'd forgotten which isle my treasure was on. So I left disappointed. Today I have my entire lunch break to scour the antique mall. I will find it! It will be MINE, MINE, MINE. (Insert maniacal laughter)
I have neglected to mention that I have not budgeted for this little treat. I must also admit that I DONT CARE if we don't have groceries. Some things are more important than paying the bills or eating. Yes, my happiness... which comes from the ownership of insignificant items. Ehhhh....(shrugs shoulders here).

My Bipolar Neighbor

My neighbor, Teresa, is a very talkative woman. Her favorite thing to do is to catch Ax outside at anytime, morning, noon or night and corner him. She enjoys telling him about why various vehicles are parked in her driveway as well as the current status of any relationship in her life. For some blessed reason the woman never bothers me. Only poor, poor Ax. Recently the conversation revolved around how she'd broken up with "Ed" (whoever the heck that is) and how now the new vehicle we'd be seeing belonged to "Don". She also informed Ax that the car would be there all night however Don would be sleeping in the spare room. Teresa then proceeded to tell Ax how she'd told Don that if he tried any "funny" business she'd stab him in the eye. Yeah, sure....we believe you. Sure, you're not gonna be getting your old lady freak on. We believe you, uh-huh.
Ummm...okay, maybe it's just me but that sounds more than a little CRAZY. Ax never, ever iniates these conversations. When he tells me about them I just laugh until I cry. Laughing at the sheer hilarity of it all and crying for both Teresa's nutiness and poor Ax's wasted time.
Last nite Teresa called over to our house and asked if we'd like some of her home made chili. Weeeelll, not really. But in the spirit of being a good neighbor, "Sure, that's awful nice of you"......and awful in other ways too. Ax took a container to her house to get the chili. He came back and put it in the fridge. About a half a minute goes by and the phone rang again. This time I answer. Guess who? Yep, it's Teresa. She told me that she meant to give Ax some banana nut bread while he was there. I'm thinking, okay, that sounds a little better. Ax refused to go back so I went to retrieve the banana bread. Teresa then began to tell me that she often throws extra food away. She said that she should remember us, to give us the extra food instead of wasting it. I then proceeded to lie to Teresa. I told her that was really nice of her and I thanked her. As these words were coming out of my mouth, I thought, What the *&@#%! Do we look like we NEED your scraps, lady?! I mean seriously, it's nice to be thought of OCCASIONALLY. But don't be calling me with your LEFTOVERS. Have you looked at my booty lately? I don't need your food. (Unless it's boiled lobster or crab legs). I have plenty of my own average everyday food. Goofy nutty neighbor.

R and R

Rest and relaxation. Aaaaahhhh...Ax and I went to Pigeon Forge, TN. Our cabin was beautiful, the scenery breathtaking. But the traffic was INSANELY DISGUSTINGLY HORRIBLE. When we arrived at Pigeon Forge it was around 1:30 p.m. We thought we'd call to see about an early check in (it was 4 p.m.) They said, "Sure, come on down." Oh but NO, NO, NO. It took us 2 hours to go about 3 miles once we got off the exit. The only salvation was that Ax had his dad's portable DVD player and we watched Joe Dirt. Ax and I happen to think this masterpiece of a movie is absolutely hilarious! I'm sure there are a few out there who would disagree, but yes, we know, we're crazy. So anyway...we finally get to check-in. Then we head back out into the wonderful wonder of traffic to get our cabin. EEEEEEKKKK....traffic could seriously make even the sanest person insane. Trust me, I know this. And we won't talk about how we almost couldn't find the cabin because the map those goobers gave us SUCKED. However, the cabin was heavenly. Hot tub, whirlpool bath (I'm still all pruney), air hockey, pool table...FUN STUFF. We loved it. On Saturday night we became retarded and decided to venture out of the cabin into Pigeon Forge. Traffic, once again was just as bad or worse than when we had arrived. However I worship the ground Ax walks on because he remembered a shortcut in worst hour of desperation. He saved us about 2 hours of sitting in traffic hell. We left out at 6 a.m. on Sunday morning to avoid the traffic. It was a wise move, Obi Wan.
I can also blissfully write that not even one iota of a thought about my wacked out family entered my brain.

Family for Sale

Yup, they're for sale. And cheap too. Cause they are ROTTEN. Anyway, the story continues from the Liar Liar post with my mom calling my granny and uncle and freaking out completely. Granny keeps saying that she did too tell my mother. Granny says my mother told her to "Sell the damn thing." First of all my granny if famous for hearing what she wants to hear and then doing whatever she feels like doing. Second of all my mother is a control freak who if in fact had agreed to the selling of the houses to Mike (which she didn't) she would have been very involved in the process. Uncle Mike has since told mother that he had the property appraised before the transaction and was told that over $50,000 worth of electrical work and repairs would have to be done before they could get homeowners insurance. Mike is a handy man and did all the work himself. My mom has laid off a bit since gaining this new information however she still feels lied to and cheated as well in regard to inheritance issues. While I personally do not have a dog in this fight (as we say in North GA) I do sympathize greatly with my mother. It is a despicable and underhanded thing that my granny has done. Mike is a greedy, lousy excuse for a human being who is only out for himself. And with that being said, it helped me to arrive at a very important conclusion.
I called uncle Mike and informed him that I would be delivering all of granny's horrible financial CRAPPOLA (a technical/financial term) to his very lovely doorstep. I can not describe the weight lifted from my shoulders to know that I was FINISHED with all her MESS. If Mike owns all the goods then it's only fair for him to have the headaches too. Granny tried to give me some ludicrous guilt trip. Telling me that she really wanted me to handle her matters, that she felt more comfortable with me taking care of it. I could hardly contain my hysterical laughter. Granny and Mike deserve this, need this. Not me. It was bearing down on me with worry about tracking down all these checks, possible prosecution, and not to mention the church account. But now I'M FREE!!! Like Willy!!! Remember him??!!
The next part of the saga began when Ax and I arrived at granny's and uncle Mike's house to deliver the financial stuff. First of all, Granny's car was gone. Hmmm....where could it be when granny was obviously home?? You got it, Mark was gone in her car. It seems his promises as well as granny's were just soooo GREATTTTT!!! Ax and I were disgusted with this to say the least but headed down the sidewalk to Mike's house to unload the paperwork. Upon our arrival Mike had already had a few beers as well as shots of liquor. Just wonderful! What a family I have! However all was actually fairly decent during the visit, that is, until we began to make our exit. The phone rang. Guess who??! MARK WAS CALLING FROM JAIL. Mark wouldn't say what he was arrested for however he did give us a phone number as to where to locate granny's car. First we called the jail to ask what the charges Mark had been arrested for where. Check fraud and criminal simulation (seems to be a charge for doing something like trying to sell flour and saying it's cocaine). Next, the number was dialed that Mark had given us by Mike's wife, Helen. Helen immediately began screaming at the lady who answered. Well, what does that get ya? YELLED BACK AT THAT'S WHAT. So Helen hands the phone to me. I calmly begin a dialogue with this individual and actually communicate reasonably considering that she is obviously a crack dealer and most likely a user. Her name is Sharon and she informs me that Mark has traded my granny's car for crack. YES, THAT'S RIGHT....CRACK. I began to deceptively attempt to set up a meeting to get the car back and pay Mark's debt to the dealer. DECEPTIVELY is the key word. My goal was to find out where the car was to call the police so they could make arrests and retrieve the car. However sometime during my lovely conversation with Sharon The Crackhead my uncle Mike misunderstands my plan and thinks I'm dumb enough to #1 - Give money to Crackheads, and #2 - Actually meet them at all. Mike begins to berate me and tell me how stupid I am. Needless to say this did NOT go over well with me. I began to tell Mike what a complete moron I thought he was and I told him that he was pissing me off! I told him that if he could do better with this situation then he could have at it! Mike then mentioned that he did not appreciate me talking the Crackheads on his telephone. I looked at him with the most sarcastic look I could muster (with Ax close by mind you) and told him to do something about it. Mike wisely responded that he guessed that was the problem. He could do NOTHING about it. It gave me satisfaction to see the old idiot SHUT UP. However I was too angry at this point and walked out. Granny cried and said she didn't want me to go but I was DONE with it. I told her Mike was the evident genius in the room and he could take care of it.
I'm glad it's over. Granny called me this morning and told me that her car had been found. I couldn't wait to get off the phone with her. It's going to be awhile before I have a desire to talk to her again.

Liar Liar

Granny's finances are in horrible condition. I took her to the bank and to the insurance company for me to pay her bill. After that I took granny to pick up her car. She was going to drive home, I was going to stop by the grocery store to pick up some things for her and then go to her house. After stopping at the store my cell rings. It's granny. She's telling me that she needs some money. I said, "Why, is Mark there?" She tells me no. So I told her I was on my way and would be there in less than 5 minutes. I arrived and surprise, surprise Mark was gone in granny's car. With her cell phone. I got on the phone and called Mark. I told him that granny had said he needed some money and that if he'd come back I'd give it to him. The truth was that Ax was also there and we wanted to give Mark something far more valuable than money. A good 'ol ass whoopin. Well, the little turd arrived and we all had a little sit down. I proceeded to tell Mark all of my opinions about him and his lifestyle. We told him that we did not want him to ever drive granny's car again. Mark was very civilized during all of this and agreed to everything. He promised to stop driving granny's car. Granny promised not to give Mark her keys anymore. Next, at granny's request, we had a little prayer session. The evening ended with me hugging Mark, Ax shaking his hand, all RAINBOWS AND ROSES. And if you think that 's the end of it well, I've got some oceanfront property in Arizona to sell you. SUCKER. Cuz it aint over, not by a long shot.
The next part of this stupidly stupid saga begins Tuesday. I began to call for information regarding all the bounced checks, including those at granny's employer. Also to pull all my hair out with stress regarding all her unpaid and over due bills. I have developed a twitch and drool and a disorder that causes me to spontaneously shout out very foul words. Oh wait, had all that anyway. But I digress. Let's just suffice it to say that the stress from this was overwhelming. And that's about the time that all hell broke loose. While trying to decipher all of granny's finances I called my uncle Mike. Uncle Mike was mentioned in the previous post as living in the house behind granny. Mike is a big, fat drunken jerk. I decided to call Mike so as to inform of the situation regarding granny. He was fairly decent and told me he was glad that I would be handling her finances. He said that he had offered to handle them for her. Uncle Mike then dropped a BOMB. He informed me that granny pays him $200 a month for rent. WHAT??!!! She pays HIM??!! But wait, I thought granny owned it all and paid the mortgage. UHHH NOOOO. Mike informed that two years ago granny signed over all the property to Mike. He collects all the rent and the whole pie (equity and all) belong to him. I asked Mike if my mother was aware of this. Mike casually and nonchalantly said that YES, my mother was fully aware of the entire scheme. After this conversation I dialed my mother as quickly as my little fingers would allow. My mother did NOT know any of this. Two years ago my grandmother had brought this topic up and my mother offered to purchase the property. My grandmother refused. Evidently granny went behind my mothers back and lied to Mike, telling him that my mom knew and then sold my mother's inheritance to her brother. Mom was/is a little upset to say the least.
More on the story tomorrow.

DRAMA-mine

I'll start by writing the only amusing thing that has been said about this awful family situation since it began (yesterday at noon), courtesy of my dad. Daddy said, "I've taken my DRAMA-mine today." The joke is that both my dad and I regularly rely on the use of dramamine, a medicine to prevent motion sickness. Daddy has had to have a supply due to riding in tanks and then on airplanes. I have to have the stuff anytime I ride in the backseat of a car or bicycle or go-cart or anything that moves. The aforementioned "drama" has been on a magnificent scale.

So here's the situation. Let's start with a few facts. My grandmother (80 years of age) owns her house (which has upstairs apartment that she rents out) and she owns the two houses behind her. My uncle Mike lives in one of the houses. Mike's son (Michael, age 35) lives in the other house. Mike's other son (Mark, age 29) lives with my granny. Michael and Mark are half Hawaiian just for visual purposes (the rest of us are honkey white.) Mark is a pathetic drug addict. He has ruined my grandmother financially. She doesn't seem to able to pronounce the simple English word "NO" when speaking to Mark. It seems to omit itself from her vocabulary in Mark's presence. All the dirty laundry to be aired is this: granny called me yesterday asking for $200 to pay her car insurance. I told her there were two conditions to borrowing money from me. First of all she would have to relinquish any and all control of her accounts to me because obviously there is a problem. Second of all, I would NOT give any cash to her, she and I would travel to the establishment monies are owed to and pay them personally. Granny agreed to all of this. So I told her to bring her checkbook, bills, and credit cards to ME. She brought them and the extremely LARGE can of worms that had been opened. Mark has succeeded in brainwashing my granny into draining not only her bank account fully and thereby bouncing somewhere around eightyhundred-friggin-grazzillion checks (23 actually) but Mark has also convinced her to drain her Ladies CHURCH bank account too. Hello, that's FRAUD. Uh-huh F.R.A.U.D. If I were smart I'd dream up some clever acronym that describes how STUPID I think both my granny and Mark are. Not only has granny done all this but she has also written 5 checks to her employer, all of which have bounced. Not exactly a way to ensure your future employment. Granny works as a receptionist for a nursing home (at least for now). Granny and I traveled to the bank and my eyes proceeded to pop out of my head and roll around on the ground as the nice Bank Man Scott explained to me that 23 checks had bounced and about 30 bad check fees had been charged to Granny's account. All the fees were a result of multiple attempts by vendors to re-run the checks through in an attempt to retrieve their funds. The bad check fees (insufficient fund fees to all you smarties out there) totaled up to be almost $1,000. YES YOU HEARD ME. (read me...whatever). Thankfully, out of the wonderful kindness of their hearts for a senile 80 year old who had been manipulated by a drug addicted piece-o-crap Hawaiian, the nice Bank People mercifully REFUNED ALL THE INSUFFICIENT FUND FEES. I almost fell out-o-me chair. It was an unexpected kindness that my granny ALMOST doesn't deserve. So after I recovered from my shock I explained that we would leave the money that would now be in the account IN THE ACCOUNT in case any other checks came through. Because obviously, without me having to mention it, absolutely NO records had been kept regarding what checks might still hit the bank. Honestly people, this is the most ridiculously horrible financial situation I have EVER come across in all my days. I am disgusted with my cousin for manipulating my granny this way. I am also disappointed in my granny for turning 80 and becoming retarded. Seriously, granny is a smart woman who still drives and works a part-time job. She is not senile, just naive. This situation has put a curl in my very straight hair. And it's only the tip of the ICEBERG.

Bitterness and Blessings

Ax's birthday party was fabulousss. Everyone was there (except for my parents). The food was all great. It was fun to try something new with the "Wine and Cheese" theme. I had several different wines available with several different types of cheeses. I had researched the recommended cheese with a particularly wine. Frances Ford Coppolla's wines are our favorite. The weather was perfect. The outdoor fire pit Ax had bought was great out on the deck. It was really the best party I've ever thrown.
I was busy with everything so I didn't really miss my parents. I only wish they'd have been there. Things are better when you can share them with family. Bringing up family....I must mention the bitterness I'm feeling toward my family right now. I invited both my brothers to this party last weekend. Both said they'd come and neither of them showed up. When they inform me of things going on in their lives I make it a point to show up for them. I never forget a birthday or event for Jeff's three kids. However I know without a shadow of a doubt that my brothers forgot me. I felt so tempted to call them and remind them. In the end I'm the one who is hurt. I'm really just so fed up with having to cater to their "forgetfulness". Honestly I know that it's not forgetfulness, it's inconsiderate rudeness. I've always been very conscious of letting the people that I love know that I love them. With both words and actions. When it comes down to it, what do my brothers show me? Nothing. I'm very bitter over this. Bitter that my mom and dad forgot too and went to Gatlinburg instead. The question that remains now is will my mom ever call me? She is very stubborn. If she does call how will we get past my hurt feelings when I know she doesn't really care? Why do I obsess over things? It isn't productive at all. These issues only serve to drain me emotionally. Leaving me depressed when that is so obviously ridiculous. I can focus on the positive. It just seems to take twice the effort.
There is something else I'd rather write about. Things I'm passionate about. Beautiful things that make me happy. The foremost is this fall season. I don't think I could travel the world and visit a more beautiful place than north Georgia in the fall. The trees put on such an enchanting display of color. Just driving down the road and seeing the mountains and the trees lining the road is such a gift. God, thank you for this earth. For the beautiful creation that surrounds me. God, thank you for my eyes that enable me to see it all and my senses that enable to perceive your majesty through your creation. I am so wonderfully blessed.

Man oh man, I've just been totally grossed out. By what?, you ask. During these downtimes at work I check out the fashion pics of the celebrities. What a mistake!! I just saw the UGLIEST picture of Kevin Bacon. He's funny looking anyway, but his fashion choices are ALARMING. http://www.eonline.com/Gossip/Fashion/Archive2/0,1912,1565,00.html Please Kevin, stop it!!
My dad loved Kevin Bacon in Footloose. I think my dad still has the soundtrack. But the funny thing about out is that for some goofy reason my dad has always gotten the biggest kick out of calling him Kevin Sausage. My dad is a character. It's a damn shame I'm still pissed at him and my Mother. They are seriously going to have to buy me something EXPENSIVE for me to get past this one.

I know now

I've figured out what my problem is. Too much damned country music! It plays here in the office during the day. I enjoy some of it. But the rest, totally depressing! Example: Sara Beth by Rascal Flatts. It plays all friggin day on the top 40 country station and makes we want to cry or jump off a bridge or something. So now I must give kudos to a Ms. Avril Lavigne for setting me straight this moring. Avril Rocks. Getting the CD out of my case lead to think of the person who bought it for me. My hubby (referred to as Ax here because of his sharp edges; simple, I know). He has bought 95% of my music for me. I was never really into buying music. I'd always thought that I'd just listen to what was on the radio. But Ax has helped me to see it differently. I understand that the radio isn't going to play it forever so I should buy it in order to enjoy it when I want. Ax is an avid music enthusiast. From the Beatles, Johnny Cash, Hank Williams, and Rob Zombie to Metallica. Amost every genre there is. I admire this about him. He can hear the first couple of notes and recognize the artist and song. I am unable to perform this feat. I must hear a voice or chorus before identifing the song. Ax helped me to realize that I am a punk rock fan (Green Day, Weezer, The Ramones!!)

Change of subject. Funny thing. Ax woke up in the wee hours of the morning to tell me that he'd had a bad dream. I asked him what it was about and he proceeded to tell me that he had dreamed that the two of us were at a bowling alley. We were approached by a very large man (giant-like is the description Ax used). For some reason we sat down at a table with him. The large man then began to talk to me in such a manner that Ax described as "acting like he'd just fallen in love with me." The big guy was telling me how he'd never thought that he would meet someone like me, etc. etc. Ax (who is 6', 200lbs) told me that he acted like nothing was wrong and just got up from the table and walked off. Ax then said that he was about to go and get a bowling ball to bash the big guy's head in with. (Ummm...okay) That was the end of the dream (at least what he told me anyway). I told him that, GAH...I would've never sat there with some big 'ol weirdo stranger and let Ax leave me. I said that I'd have got up and left with him. What a weird dream.

Sadness

When the anger subsides the sadness creeps in. As adults we must self soothe. Don't complain and don't cry. Keep your disappointments and broken hearts to yourself. Who is there for me to talk to anyway? I have no female friends. Ax can only listen so much. My confidant is my mother and it's her who has let me down.
I have childlike expectations and build things up in my mind. I don't know how to be less sensitive. Surely my family helped to make me this way. Why should I be completely responsible for the adult I've become? Tears well up behind my eyes despite me wanting them to dry up. My chest aches with a dull pain that I don't want or need.
My blue feelings aren't entirely because of the party that my parents won't be attending. It's more. I can't put my finger on it. I'm all alone so often. Inside my own mind. With no one around to fill the void. Ax is there for the few precious hours of the evening after work. But there are about 10 hours that are empty.