So What?

My brain is mush. This job is sucking the life out of me. I wonder if I'll ever get to see Hawaii in person? Why is life about money? Not having the bucks is all that's stopping me.
So today this dude comes to my window here at the clerks office to ask me a question. He had one eye looking east and the other northwest. It was really weird. Ya know? Like which one do you look at while he's talking. EWWWW!!!
I wore a heart monitor for a few days about 2 weeks ago cuz I've been feeling my heart skip beats and flutter. The nice lady called today with the results. During a 24 hour period I had 32 irregular heart beats. According to the nice lady/nurse that's not very significant. Also my heart rate dropped at around 6 a.m. which is normal if I was sleeping...which I was. Strange considering I have to wake up at 6:30. Oh well....so long as the ol ticker keeps tickin.
I hate hearing about soldiers that have died in Iraq. It makes me sad. It makes worry about my pop. He needs to come on back to the house where he belongs.
I had a criminal justice teacher at UTC that used to let out of class early on occasion. He'd say, "Okay, Lets go to the house." He was a great teacher, still is I guess.

My Ode to Summer

I am in love with summer. I crave time outside in the sunshine. It's such a curse in a lot of ways to have to come into work everyday. The spring time is so joyful and the summer time is so beautiful. God's creations are amazing. I'm thankful that I'm able to experience them be it so very limited.
On Saturday an event will occur for the first time in about 10 years. My family is going to gather at my grandmother's house for dinner. To the average family this may sound common or normal. Not for my family. My grandmother is 80 years old and has a part time job as a receptionist at a nursing home. My granny puts her job before every family member or family function. She has done this for many years now. She has skipped Christmas, Easter, birthdays, you name it in order to go to work. Granted, she is "relief" for others who are unable to be there. However she has been ridiculous about absolutely NEVER committing to any family gathering because she might be called into work. If you should be so fortunate as to get her to say that she will attend of something the sentence or conversation always ends with her saying the most annoying phrase of all time "I'll be there ""as far as I know"". The "as far as I know" part is infuriating. However for this gathering I was able to guilt her into saying she would not work on Saturday. It's one for the history books, that's for sure.
Next Tuesday my mom, sister-in-law, and neices and nephews will be coming over for spaghetti at my house. This too is a rare occaision, unfortunately. I live 30 minutes away from my mom's house and it's like pulling teeth to get them to say they'll come over. I travel very easily up to their house quite frequently however this has yet to clue them into the fact that the drive isn't that bad.
Ax and I stayed up a little late last nite watching National Treasure starring Nicholas Cage. It's a really good movie. We also saw it in the theaters. I really like it. However my brother Jeff who is in the Masons says the references to the Masons are total bull. Uh huh, yeah right....you can't fool me....I know ya'll are guarding that treasure. Cough it up. I've seen the back of a dollar bill, I know how things are going down. =)

What a joke...

When will I wake up and be satisfied with my life? Cuz it ain't today. I am so uneasy and twitchy and aggravated. My co-worker is gone and that kinda depresses me. To work alone with no one to talk to. And Ax is really upsetting me. I want to take a short weekend trip for my birthday in August. Of course the only issue that ever decides any thing in his life is money. Not happiness, love, or family. Only dollar signs. I HATE this about him. I want to be smart with my money but I WILL NOT let it rule me life. So long as I'm working and have a job and good health everything else will fall into place. Obviously so long as I don't do anything blatantly foolish, which I am not going to do. Ax just absolutely deflates my hopes and wishes and the little things I want to look forward to. All he looks forward to is seeing how many meager dollars we are able to accumulate in our savings account. Life is very depressing. I could cry to think of all the beautiful places and experiences on this planet that I will never know of or see. The internet and mass media have burdened people like myself with the wealth of information available. It only allows me to know of places and dream dreams that will never be fulfilled. I might be better off to never know what I'm missing.

What a joke...

When will I wake up and be satisfied with my life? Cuz it ain't today. I am so uneasy and twitchy and aggravated. My co-worker is gone and that kinda depresses me. To work alone with no one to talk to. And Ax is really upsetting me. I want to take a short weekend trip for my birthday in August. Of course the only issue that ever decides any thing in his life is money. Not happiness, love, or family. Only dollar signs. I HATE this about him. I want to be smart with my money but I WILL NOT let it rule me life. So long as I'm working and have a job and good health everything else will fall into place. Obviously so long as I don't do anything blatantly foolish, which I am not going to do. Ax just absolutely deflates my hopes and wishes and the little things I want to look forward to. All he looks forward to is seeing how many meager dollars we are able to accumulate in our savings account. Life is very depressing. I could cry to think of all the beautiful places and experiences on this planet that I will never know of or see. The internet and mass media have burdened people like myself with the wealth of information available. It only allows me to know of places and dream dreams that will never be fulfilled. I might be better off to never know what I'm missing.

Is anyone out there?

No, I'm not trying to communicate with my alien friends (I only send them signals on weekends when I'm wearing my tin foil hat). I'm just wondering if anyone in the entire world reads my blog besides me. I know it's like totally cookie-cutter boring, but really...Is anyone out there?
So anyway, my life lately is the same as usual. Boring. Ax has us on this budget thing now. He is so obsessed with money. However, on a good note... the budget didn't prevent him from buying me this totally awesome created sapphire ring that I fell in love with at the jewlery store. What were we doing in a jewlery store when we are on a budget you ask? Scoping out my birthday present. Ya know giving him some ideas so that he'd know what I wanted and how much it would be. While we were there we saw my ring marked down to $30 from $120 and he bought it for me. Aint that just the sweetest? I certainly think so.
So are there any Dear Abby wanna be's out there? I want to have kids but Ax doesn't. He has said so from day one. However like a typical stupid female I had hoped he'd come around. Uhhh, no. He like has panic attacks and stuff when I talk about coming off the pill. So what's next? I'm tired of fighting with him. But I am hopelessly in love with him. I want to have his baby. I really feel that if we hit the lottery he'd suddenly be a little more okay with it. So there's the money thing again. I can't give up on this. It means too much. It means my forever. My old grey headed self rocking my great-great grand baby to sleep. And Ax's evil mother doesn't help any either. She is so sour. When the topic came up one nite she responds to my mention of grandchildren that "maybe your child will chose to not have children". Hello witch, I freaking know this. I can only control ME and I want kids. So what's the solution here???