Wednesday, May 18, 2005

It's all about Darth

Soooo, tonight I will hopefully see Star Wars if everything works out well. We've been invited to the private grand opening of the new local theater. We are hoping that they will allow us to view the movie despite the fact that it doesn't officially open until tomorrow. Ax is so excited that he can't even see straight. The box office for the new theater opens at 12 and I will be there, in line to buy tickets for tomorrow nite. We have already bought tickets at another local theater for Friday nite. I know I will be totally sick of this movie very quickly.
The high school yardsale is Saturday. It was post poned from the previously mentioned date. Ax has been a complete jerk about helping me with any of it. He's finally come around a bit but it's been a stressful journey.
Jeff is doing A LOT better these days. Today is his birthday. He's 24, I think. He is considering becoming a drug counselor. I've told him that I believe that is his calling in life. When Jeff isn't on drugs he is very charming and charismatic. His personality is the exact opposite when he's on the wagon. I'd give anything for him to stay on it. Jeff is a wonderful person. Good looks and wit are abundant. I have an awesome little brother. On that note, I can't leave out Jonno. He is wonderful too. Very handsome. However his tongue is very sharp sometimes and his personality is much more reserved than Jeff's. I'm proud to have Jonno as a brother. I'm blessed to be the sister of such great brothers. God is wonderful and his blessings are innumerable.
My mom bought me the absolute cutest shoes ever this past Sunday. I met her at the Acropolis after church. Then we went to a Liz Claiborne shoe store. I absolutely love shoes and purses. They make me happy. I don't know why. But I'm glad they do!

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Letter to God

Dear God, If my heart hurt any worse I think I'd be dead. I know for a fact that I'd feel a lot a better that way. Dead that is. Or at least in heaven. I can't wait to get there. So that my heart won't be broken anymore. The reason it's hurting so horribly bad is because of my youngest brother, Jeff. I want more than anything else in this life for him to be okay. God, I'm sure you know from my prayers that Jeff has had a bad problem with drugs. Oxycontin and opiates. Jeff has been on and off them for several years now. He has three of the most beautiful children that anyone on the planet would be proud of. But Jeff is depressed and unhappy with his life and continues to turn to drugs. God PLEASE PLEASE HELP HIM. Use me. In anyway you want. For some reason, God, you saw fit to attach my heart strings to Jeff. How he lives his life is so, so important to so many people that love him. Jeff doesn't know how to be happy or at peace. God, I have told Jeff that the only way to be happy is to serve you. Jeff said he has tried praying and reading the Bible but that none of it does him any good. I told Jeff that he must seek You diligently and that he has to get up off his duff and serve you and he will see results. I told Jeff that I know it feels like he is hitting a brick wall and that his prayers aren't going anywhere but I know You hear them. I told Jeff that I know sometimes we must climb the mountain so that we may triumph when we reach the top. There would be no glory if You moved them all for us. God, PLEASE draw Jeff to your house with your spirit. God let your pull on him be stronger than the pull of the drugs. God let him overcome his addictions for the rest of his life and bless him with the wisdom to be a good father to the wonderful children you've blessed him with. God give us all strength. Please, Heavenly Father, hear my prayers for Jeff. Let my prayers lift Jeff up before your holiness. Father, let your mercy and compassion touch Jeff's life. God I pray it with all my heart. Lead him away from the drugs and toward You.
Jesus, I praise your name for being our savior and living the perfect life upon this Earth and for dying on the cross for our sins so that we me come unto the Father.
In Jesus' holy name I pray, Amen.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

What time is it anyway???

I'm just waiting for court to start here in about an hour. It is a very small docket so I should get out of here soon. I've had a pretty good day. Getting my paycheck is always an upper. Ax has begun to carry our health insurance so I get that much more now. Ax gripes about having to pay out the money for it. But I ignore him because I've paid it for three years now. It won't kill him.
It's a rather gloomy day outside. My head is ready to explode as a result of boredom. Life is very tedious for a working stiff. I enjoy reading about the lives of celebrities and checking out the pics of their clothes on the red carpets. The snapshots of their glamorous outings in Paris and Rome. Speaking of Paris. How can it be that someone who is so obviously empty-headed be so famous. Ignorant and immoral. Those are the two words that describe her. However I must digress. Paris fascinates me. I am ashamed to admit it. It's a strange phenomena. In part Paris repulses me. However another part of me loves to see what she's going to do next or wear next. Paris is definitely beautiful and she lives the glitzy life that I could only dream of. I can't image having that kind of fame and recognition. However I understand I would bear a great sense of responsibility were I to be in such a situation. The money, the image, and the influence would empower an intelligent person to undertake many important causes. An intelligent person with any sort of decency and concern for the world around them would desire to do some good with all that they had been blessed with. But not Paris Hilton or most of the extremely privledged. The entire thought processes is perplexing. If I woke up tomorrow morning and had everything that Paris Hilton has, except for the bad reputation, what would I do with myself and my unlimited resources? Now there's a heck of brain teaser.
On the other hand a person could look at the situation from a more realistic and personal perspective. If I were poor, uneducated, destitue, hopeless, and faithless and woke up tomorrow with everything that I have and all that I'm blessed with being, what would I do with myself? Ooooohhhh, now I'm thinking. But you know, I can already identify a huge problem with being able do too much good. My husband. While he is wonderful in more ways than I could ever describe, he is also spoiled and selfish. Ax does not like for me to spend time away from him. He is the reason I gave up teaching Sunday school. While I know I could've been stronger about my desires to continue teaching, I allowed him to influence me. I regret that. I have since also wanted to volunteer as a mediator through Juvenile Court. Once again he was very adamantly opposed. I need to stop thinking about all of this. It's rather sad and depressing.