Tuesday, August 23, 2005

More on the Weekend.

On Sunday I called my mother to ask her to meet Ax and I for lunch. She said she would but a little later that we were asking because she had been up really late. She informed us that she'd found out that my brother Jeff was using drugs again. He is addicted to opitates, being hydrocodone and oxycontin. He will take every penny from everywhere he can get it and use it to buy the drugs. Jeff keeps breaking our hearts over and over again. The car accident I mentioned in the previous post was a result of his drug use. Then his hospital stay only made it worse being that he was presribed multiple refills of the type of drug he's addicted to. Kelli, his wife has also been addicted and come clean several times. However this time she's supposedly clean. The last battle which was only about 2 months ago Mother told them both that they'd be kicked out if they got on them again. Mother told them that she'd get custody of their three kids and that she would disown them. Well, true to her word and rightly so, Mother has kicked Jeff out. Which he kinda left volutarily because he knew the consequences. Mother told him not to come around or call. She told him that he was trading his family for drugs. She called me Sunday evening before she had her last talk with Jeff. She wanted me to give her reassurance that she was doing the right thing. I tried my best to reinforce what she already knew. She is trying to save his life. Nothing else has worked. She's been stretched to her absolute limit. We all have. I love Jeff dearly. I'd give anything for him to be better. But honestly my opinion of him is on the fast decline. He is proving himself to be a peice of crap. My heart breaks for his wife and children. While he has kept a job, he has failed to obviously allocate earned funds appropriately. What kind of loving father and good provider is a dope addict? A pathetic one I'd say.
Later that evening Ax and I were settling in for a relaxing evening after having been to visit his parents. We weren't able to relax long. Mother called. She wanted us to drive all the way up to her part of town, which is a 45 minute drive, to have dinner at Chucky Cheese. Not our favorite place and we were worn out. But we went. She said she really needed to see us. We got there after the long drive and still had to wait 10 minutes on everyone to get there. They live 10 minutes away! What the heck! Anyway. I'm was almost glad to see Monday. I said almost.

Monday, August 22, 2005

What a weekend

Saturday nite Ax and I went out with some friends to Chili's. We had a decent time. After that we went to a local country/western bar that also mixes in some dance music occaisionally. Ax absolutely hates the place. He said he'd do anything to get out of there. I asked him half jokingly if that meant he'd go to a tatoo shop. He said yes! I said okay so we left to go to a local shop. It was almost midnight but we'd been told that it would be open until 1 am. We got there and I expected Ax to look thru some designs and get some prices then be outta there. But instead he found a design he really liked and asked the price. The artist said it's normally $160 but if u do it now I'll do it for $110. Ax said okay. I couldn't believe it! I have always wanted him to get a tatoo. I've thought he'd look sexy with one. And boy have I been right! Anyway his inking experience went well for the first 10 minutes and then he said he was feeling faint. The guy stopped and then all of a sudden Ax passed out. Then he had a slight seizure that lasted about 5 seconds but felt like and eternity to me. It scared me something awful! My nerves were shot. I was ready to call an ambulance or something. But the guys there didn't seem to think it as any big deal. Ax has vesovegal. He passes out when he sees a needle coming his way or blood. It's common with him and his family. I've only seen him do it one other time. It was before we got married in March of 2002. My brother had an awful car accident and was int he hospital. I had no idea that Ax had this tendency and he hadn't told me. We were in my brothers hospital room and all of a sudden Ax falls backward. He hit his head and then had a seizure. Then when the nurses got in there he had another one. It scared the ever loving crap out of me. I was all nerves and snotting and crying and praying. It was horrible for me. He was scared but okay. Now back to the tatoo. Ax is tough as nails. After he was done with passing out and quick seizure he had Mtn Dew. A few minutes later he said, "Okay, lets finish this." I coudn't believe it!!! I was ready to carry him to the car myself and call an ambulance and call it quits. But not him.. He was over it and ready to go! It was obviously no biggie to him. He was a champ thru the rest of it. All I did was keep him distracted by talking about Star Wars and all kinds of movies. Everything went fine after that.

Friday, August 12, 2005


My mother is an amazing woman. But she can really annoy me. She can be too harsh at times. Ax is remodeling her bathroom. I originally felt bad the he was charging her for the work. I had the idea that family should help family out. However I've since come to re-think my position. My mom would seriously take whatever someone is willing to give and exploit them. A part of me feels guilty for typing these words but it's just the opinion I've come to have because of how I've seen my mother behave over this bathroom situation. So we are in the end stages of this saga. Ax has complained and gripped and said things that have angered me over this. I will be exceedingly joyful when this project is completed. I will discourage any future dealings of this nature between Ax and my mom in the future. However this last obstacle seems quite daunting. It's time for the tile to be put down. Ax went and bought 14 boxes of tile. It was paid for with mom's credit card of course. Ax went out of his way to two different Home Depot's to get the tile. He loaded it up, transported it, and unloaded it at her house. His back ached badly the next day. He is planning to employ his fathers help one day on the tile job. They have estimated that it will cost $600 or less (money isn't a big issue for mom either). Ax is trying to give her a break the best he feels he can. He believes that paying someone to do the job would cost mom twice as much. So now...here's the kick in the pants from my mom. I saw her yesterday and she has decided that she may NOT want Ax to do the tiling. She is going to ask around and see if anyone "knows" anyone who will price the tile job for her. She is deluded in thinking that she can get the massive area of her bathroom and part of her den tiled for less that $600. I'm very aggraved and disappointed by how she is acting. It is going to upset Ax as well. He has done all that he has done not for the $13 an hour but mainly for her. He works a full time job and we live 30 minutes from mom. Both my brothers live there with her and have not offered to lift a finger to help to maybe cut some costs for mom. It all seems to be going wrong. Ax's good intentions are overlooked because mom doesn't realize he's trying to go very easy on her cost wise. Mom is just looking out for #1. I'm in the middle. I don't guess any of us is happy. I haven't told Ax about how mom is acting over the tile job. He would be very upset and drop it all completely. I am sick of worrying about how this is going to turn out.

Monday, August 08, 2005


I feel restless. Like I've forgotten something important. But I know that there is nothing. So now I want something to occupy whatever this void is. I know I feel restless about the job that Ax has applied for. I've prayed about it. I hope it's God's will. It would be a great job. The starting pay would be more than he's making. The company would be a large governmental type institution. Security, benefiets, moolah. God, I pray, make it happen. The job closed yesterday. Maybe Ax will hear something in a couple of days.
Daddy, in Iraq, has said to stop sending him mail after Sept 15. So that's certainly good news. He will hopefully be home in October. We need him back! Our family is certainly incomplete without him. It's difficult to realize the exact role a person fills in your family until they are suddenly absent. Daddy brings us together. He loves to "grill out". Ya know, have everyone over and grill out burgers and chicken (which he never gets done exactly right). I sure do love him and miss him.
I had a great weekend with Ax. It was refreshing. He is remodeling my mom's bathroom for her. We went and bought the tile Saturday night. I will definitely be glad when he's finished. He complains and gripes about it too much. Just a typical man I suppose.
I have been hungry all weekend and it has spilled over into today. I can't seem to eat enought. I believe I have actually lost a couple of pounds recently tho. Completely by accident. And now I'm ready to eat until I pop. Anybody got any cookies? Heehee.
I have a trip for working coming up. A conference at Jekyll Island, GA. My mom and granny will be going with me. I am looking forward to a change of scenery. I just hope the three of us can get along. Granny can be ornery. Mom has a very strong personality. They can be like oil and water. I have hope for the situation tho. I'm sure it will be good bonding time for the three of us.