Worry

You know I was just thinking about how much we all worry. About how we're going to pay our bills or buy groceries. Well, so far we're fortunate enough that we don't really have to worry per se, only plan and budget. But anyway I was thinking about as my child, what if Wyatt began to worry. Once he can talk that is. And as his parent I would comfort him and tell him not to worry that I'd take care of all those things. And what if he began to hide food because he thought he needed to worry about his next meal?
Where the heck am I going with this you ask?
Well my thinking is that God said he'd provide all our needs. That we need not worry about the clothes on our backs or our next meal. That he'd handle all that. So why should I worry? I should just pray and seek Him and rely on Him for all my needs.

Funny how things just pop into my head. Being a parent can really put things into perspective. Especially when considering the love of my heavenly Father.

Hey Grover, Count This Penny

Wyatt has a video where this little kid has a penny and holds it out to Grover and tells him to count it. Too cute. But it's becoming my financial situation lately. Damn gas prices. All those fat cats on capital hill should really be ashamed.
By the way...did you know that it is my opinion that Grover is the Sesame Street character that is on crack. He's insane.
We are currently waiting on the "stimulus" check for some monetary relief. A swing set, a little cabin vacation, and a few other things. Oh yeah, and getting the checking account balance back up over $20 is something we' re looking forward to.

The Circus...

Funerals are boring. Well, unless you bring Wyatt with you. He started his jabbering as soon as everything got really quiet. Then he started pitching a mega fit to be let down. My cousin Mandi took him out of the chapel. I love Mandi, she is so cool. And unique.

Mandi's idea of dressing nicely for a funeral is wearing her extra baggy jeans without the holes in them. Her idea of feminine is an XXL "pink" polo shirt. She is a big girl but her clothes make her look even bigger. Never a bit of make-up. Hair always combed back in a ponytail. There have been rumors that she is gay. But she never talks about it one way or the other. Whatever. I heart cousin Mandi.

It was my great-grandmother that passed away. Natural causes at the ripe old age of 98. She was a sassy one. I wasn't really close to her. But it's still sad when people die. I think hospice helps speed up the grand finale with morphine. But anyway..."Mommie" is what the family called her. She was a petite little woman with decent looks. But her kids?! Damn!! You've never seen such a genetic pile of steaming crap! Those are some uuuugly mugs. Craggy skin, overweight, coarse hair on those who have it. And throw in the occasional retard. I kid you not. Thank God my dad married my mom who has fabulous genes and passed them all to me. I have no resemblance to that group of goblins. If I stand next to my dad, who is quite handsome, you can tell we are related. But that is the extent of it. My dad got some decent genes out it. But his aunts and uncles....the stuff of seriously unfortunate breeding. The women have craggy skin and masculine features. The men, no description will describe them accurately.

I'm wonderfully glad that circus is over.

I Got Skills, Ya'll

Don't be intimidated. Somebody's got set the bar.
Some stuff I did this weekend:

1. Played wiffle ball and hit the ball TWICE. This is an accomplishment for someone so grossly uncoordinated. I can't play softball worth a crap because I can't hit the ball hard enough to get it past the pitcher. But I can hit a MEAN wiffle ball, though! Go me.

2. Looked at a bird feeder hanging from my friends porch and said something about how messy those little birdies are and then walked right into the damn thing. Got birdseed in my hair. Not so cool.

3. Set out loads of stuff on Saturday morning with my hubby, Ax, for a yard sale. Hoping those black moisture soaked clouds would pass us by. Ummm...no such luck. We were set up for about all of 10 minutes and then had to start doing marathons from the front of the house to the car port around back to get everything out of the torrential rain. Yep, we're geniuses.

4. Had the yard sale Sunday and did fairly decently. I'm so cool that I was able to sell a burnt up spatula amongst a box of crap that my mother-in-law brought for $0.10!!

5. Worked at the church nursery Sunday morning and diffused a meltdown situation with a 3 year old. Woo hoo. What else is there to do in life? Well, a lot I think.

The comment I would never leave...

Moneysavingmom.com did a post on April 28th that I'm still trying to put into a complete perspective. It was all about how much happier she is staying home more and all the comments agreed. I was too polite to leave my comment:

I HATE staying at home all the time. I want somewhere to go EVERY DAY. I despise having an open ended day of screaming "NO!" and "Come on sweetie, lets change your diaper". Loads of laundry, loads of dishes, and scattered toys DO NOT give me fulfillment. How in the hell does your friggin cross-stitch or whatever that heck that is you showed a picture of do that for you?!! I am not crafty, I don't sew, I can't draw, sing, or stitch. I don't have the patience for it. I think you people are freaks for being happy inside that one structure all day long. I want a nanny to watch my kid and a place free of snot noses to spend my day. Now, with all that out in the open, you wanna babysit for me so I can run around and be happy while you stay at home with the kiddies? Yes, I'll be happy to pay you.

Wow, I feel relieved after getting that out. It's just honesty. Pure and simple. But if I'd have typed that on her site those women would have made me out to be evil. And I'm not. Never mind these devil horns protruding from my forehead. They're misleading. I promise.

I gotta start writing again...

I have so many posts in my head. Things I think that must be put out there for the world. While typing is more difficult these days with a 19 month old twisting my chair to make me pick him up, it must be done. Thanks to all who left comments on that post so long ago. It's encouraging to know I'm not "really" alone. I'm coping better these days. Well, some days anyhow. I'm still staying home with Wyatt and babysitting little Ashley a couple of days a week...who will be turning one year old in May. I have lots to say and will work on being more disciplined with the timing of my posts.
Writing has always been wonderfully theraputic for me. I neeeeed it. This outlet may be the only one that is interested in my sarcastic, crazy opinions on so many things.

Ya know, this stay at home mom thing is somewhat of a culture of it's own. The things people say. The blogs I've come across. Have I been unknowingly inducted into the "Mom Cult"? If so, you're gonna be kicking me out soon after you read some of the smart ass things I've got to say. I'm soooo glad none of my daily "aqaintances" know about this blog. No one. I can be free.

Here at home

Here I am at home with Wyatt. He's 9 months old now. I'm enjoying the freedom of being a stay at home mom. However I feel a bit stifled. While my days are unscheduled except for feedings and naps there are drawbacks. I really don't have any right to dwell on them. I know I'm fortunate to be here feeling this way instead of chained to a desk in an office for eight hours. It's just that I need a medium of expression and this is it. There is no person to whom I can truly communicate with on this topic. So here I am again. Back to my old friend, my blog. I need something more in my life to feel productive and satisfied. I spend so much of my day alone, with no outside contact. Wyatt isn't much of a conversationalist. Ax works then goes to the gym a couple of nights a week. He takes his lunch to work most days but sometimes goes out with friends from work. I am here. For endless hours. I am here. I go out when we need something from a store. Once every couple of weeks I go out to lunch with my mother. In the evenings I cook dinner, do the dishes, feed the baby, take care of the baby, make Ax's lunch for the next day. I get so little time with Ax. He doesn't realize how adversely this is affecting me. The weekends are a little better but then Ax is amusing himself with video games or TV and I'm left cooking and cleaning again. The more I ponder these things the more I see that I'm glad that I am able to stay at home with Wyatt otherwise I'd feel overwhelmed with the responsibility of working and then having a household to take care of and next to no time for quality time. I am certainly thankful for my blessings. It just seems that something is lacking. And despite whether or not I could identify what's missing I would have no means to be able to fill the gap.