Work and Court Observations

Wow, I've been busy at work lately. I don't like it when I actually have to work. I'd much rather surf the net and doze off thankyouverymuch. We have court coming up this week and I'm sure it'll be a barrel of laughs. The court is being held by the judge that can never remember when we get paid or what court dates he is supposed to be here for. During the last court that this judge held I made a few observations.
Before I mention my oh so keen observations I have to note what the judge, JN, actually said to me.
JN made a remark regarding the massive amount of paperwork that must be completed for each case. An attorney looked at me and said that he could tell that I enjoyed it all. I responded, "Yeah, sure I enjoy the paperwork. I say that with all the sarcasm that I can muster."
Okay, my response was not genius. However JN looks at me and says, "Wow, I didn't know you had such an extensive vocabulary."

WHAT THE??!!!!

I had to carefully examine JN's tone and expression.
HE WAS SERIOUS.

I just laughed and said that I hoped my degree had helped me somewhat in that arena. But truthfully I wondered if the man thinks I have the IQ of a fruit fly.
JN evidently doesn't realize that when I am aggravated my vocabulary is broad, very broad. My mind began to reel with descriptive vocabulary.

Now, onto my observations:

1. LAWYERS ARE CROOKS.
No offense to any members of the profession. Okay, maybe a little offense. I have seen lawyers do some despicable things. That's a tall accusation coming from someone who has only worked in this po-dunk town and little traffic court. But it's true nonetheless.

2. How is it that I can fill out no less than 10 forms in the time it takes the judge and defendant to sign their names in two places?! Am I fast or are they just ridiculously slow? I'm thinking they are horribly slow.

3. When will the phrase, "I'm a single mom" stop being an excuse? I realize that at times it may be a valid explanation for a variety of situations. However the phrase seems annoyingly over used. And when you make this blanket statement it prompts many questions in my mind. The least of which being, "Why?".

4. It is amazing how much people can say with their eyes. One look can express aggravation, anger, guilty, ignorance. Fascinating.

The Doc

Yesterday the doctors visit went fine. The Doc told me that everything appears to be going well and that I am around 6 weeks. She didn't order any tests because she said it would be too early to see anything. Just hearing that the Doc's office test is also positive was a bit of a shocker. It concretes things a bit more to hear them from the Doc. They gave me a bag full of stuff to read and vitamin samples. It just seems as if these are going to be the longest nine months of my life. Certainly the most valuable but the longest nonetheless.
Last night we had friends over for dinner, Sandy and Tom. We told them the news. Sandy was thrilled for us and immediately offered her babysitting services. She is a sweet heart sometimes. Tom on the other hand kind of looked like I had slapped him in the face. Sandy told me privately that she and Tom had talked about the two of them having a child. She said that Tom is too worried about giving up his drinking time with buddies. That's a shame. The most important thing in life is love and doing what you can to increase it. When Tom is 40 what is he going to look back on life and remember or cherish? Will it be how many times he got shit faced drunk and threw up??? I doubt it. I can see that Tom has some growing up to do. But hell, so do Ax and I. We are in for some grown up lessons. Yikes.
I keep having crazy dreams. I dreamed last night that a horrid wolf, standing on it's hind legs, was trying to kill my dad and get into our house. I think I was still living at my parents home in my dream. Anyway, daddy beat the crap out of the wolf and all was well. It was just such a vivid and frightening dream.

Idiots, Close Thy Mouth and Speak No More

My immature and boorish sister-in-law insists on speaking about miscarriages whenever I am around her. My SIL is Kelli, my youngest brother's wife, who has had 3 children. Evidently Kelli thinks I've told everyone about this pregnancy too soon. She "thinks" she may have miscarried between her second and third children. "Thinking" in what Kelli isn't doing enough of here. She knows I go to the doctor tomorrow. I even pointed out to her that the three children she had out of four were obviously very good odds. Kelli is such an evil wench sometimes. How could she not think that her words would stay with me and bother me into the late hours of the night. Putting fear in to my mind and heart. That, dear world, is cruel. In the event that I have shared my news too early it might be better to have everyone know so that they could support me in my grief. I told Kelli this very thing.
I have a feeling she will most like say more thoughtless things to me in the near future. I don't believe I will continue to exercise the same restraint I have thus far.

Dealing

This new experience is a bit taxing on both my physical and emotional resources. I feel very tired yet I've done nothing to be tired for.
Ax and I told both of our sets of parents the news this weekend. It seems he is excited to share the news. However he is obsessive over me not working when the baby is born. Obsessive in the sense of constantly worrying about money. He stressed me out so badly Saturday night that I was hysterical for a while. If I were to stop working after the baby is born we could make it on what Ax makes, on a very tight budget. I think we could do it. Yet Ax keeps making comments about what if he wants a new CD, it's going to break us. No more eating out. There's not an allocation in the budget for clothing.
He keeps pointing out everything that is wrong and negative. I've told him that I'm not lazy. If I have to work to make ends meet, then I will. It's just that Ax seems to be showing his materialistic side. It seems these sacrifices would be very small to the reward of not having to use a daycare. Obviously, he sees things differently. I've told him that I will try to make arrangements here at work to come back part-time after the baby is born if they will let me. I work for a small city government and such things are like an act of Congress. So really, it's not up to me. I can ask, but my boss would have to be my advocate.
What really upsets me about all the discussion listed above is that we are in such an early stage of this. For pete's sake, I haven't even been to the friggin doctor yet. It seems these arguments and concerns are far too premature. Why can't we just relax and revel in the moment for a damn day or two? But instead Ax is hounding me, guilting me. I don't have the answers and the frustration is so very depressing and tiring. I hope I don't look back on all this as my most prominent memories of this news.
I told Ax Saturday night that I was open to doing whatever it took to make things workout. I told him that I wouldn't burn any bridges at work. I also told him that whatever else he had to say on this stressful topic had better be said that night because I was NOT discussing it any further. It seems he understood because he has shutup about it all. He almost brought something up yesterday and immediately changed the subject. I guess he can see that I am already a bundle of nerves.
I had always thought that this would be a joyful time in my life. I've come to be disappointed on that note.
What further contributes to my dismay is that I am 28 and Ax is 27. We'll have been married for 4 years in April. If we aren't ready now then how the hell did we expect that we EVER would be? And I know that Ax is worried, but why does he have to project all that on to me right now? I mean damn it, I can't un-do anything, so lay off!
So there's the reality of my life. I am optimistic that we are just at a rough spot that is already passing. Ax is a very loving husband. He is as reliable as the day is long. I understand that these are attributes, they can also be shackles. I believe that our horrible "discussion" Saturday night really did help him to understand where I'm coming from. My optimism says that we'll be okay from here on out. I know that there will still be other issues to deal with. Just hopefully they wont be as intensely frustrating as Saturday night was.
So, with all that said, I need a nap. But actually, I have to get to work.
But I can't end with all that negativity. It really sounds as thouht Ax is awful. He really isn't. He's talked about getting a book to follow the baby's development. He's planning a yardsale to clean out our other bedroom to make a nursery. He also bought a Star Wars Darth Vader Mr. Potatohead for the baby. He'll be a great daddy.

Settle Down, Beavis

Well, it's beginning to settle down with me. I'm realizing that I AM EXPECTING. I took another test yesterday just to see the double lines again. It's just so fascinating to me. Life is changing. The relationship between Ax and I will change. I'm wonderfully happy and excited while simultaneously frightened. My own mind can be my worst enemy. Thinking too much can be bad for you.
I've been reading everything I can. Stories of miscarriages really freak me out. I certainly do not ever want to experience that.
I've bought some pre-natal vitamins today. I've been taking a regular vitamin but I know it doesn't have calcium amongst other things. When I took the pre-natal vitamin after lunch my stomach went on the fritz. Ick.
I've been feeling strangely. Every since the day I took the test, I've noticed that my abdomen feels "heavy". It's an odd feeling. Guess it's only the first of many odd things I'm going to experience in the next 9 months.
Mind blowing thought for the day: There are twins in Ax's family. What if I have twins?!!!
Okay, SHUT UP, SHUT UP RIGHT NOW!!!

Honestly though, I'm really very excited. I'm looking forward to the experience of being pregnant and having a little cutie pie. I'm tremendously blessed that I was able to get pregnant so quickly. I'm praying that everything will be okay. Hope you will too.

OH. MY. GOD.

I am a couple of days late. I took a pregnancy test yesterday at work to ease my mind. Or so I thought. IT IS POSITIVE.

WHAT THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?!!!

I almost passed out when those two little lines turned pink. How do people deal with this? I am scared crap-less. WORD TO THE WISE: Never, ever take a pregnancy test at work. If it's positive you will then have the longest day of your life ahead of you.

I really, really wanted to wait about a year before I became "in the family way".

I got shitty drunk last weekend. Now I'm terrified that I've done something awful. I've been reading everything on the internet about drinking before you found out you were pregnant. Most of says that everything will be okay so long as I stop now. WHICH I WILL NOT GO NEAR THE STUFF UNTIL I AM 100% NOT PREGNANT ANYMORE.

Everything has to be okay. I couldn't live with myself if it weren't.

I was really scared about telling Ax. I took the test home with me to show him. He took the news like a champ. He hugged me and told me everything would be okay. I squalled like a baby. This morning before leaving for work he seemed worried and thoughtful. I told him not to worry. Worrying wouldn't change ANYTHING.

Now my mind is reeling.
My house is too friggin small for this.
I want so desperately to be able to quit my job when the baby is born. I don't wanna use a damned daycare. God, please. This happening so soon isn't going to help any. Hello, God.
How do I go about telling people this?
I know I'm going to wait until I've been to the doctor to get a confirmation.

I feel like my world has been turned upside down.

Dinner with the In-Laws

Last night, before the in-laws arrived, I burnt dessert. Dear God, the horror of it. I made a pathetic attempt at baking an Angel Food cake. Bad idea. It completely stunk the house up with an awful, crusty burnt smell. After I realized that dessert was a hopeless case, as looked down at the pan in the sink, I wanted to hide it from my in-laws. I thought about throwing the pan away, it was that horrid. I seriously considered putting it into the dryer to remove it from sight. Not the oven, I needed it for other things. Too big for the fridge. So I just turned it over in the sink and put other dishes on top of it. It was bad people, very bad.

The evening moved on from there to me wanting to elbow my Mother-in-Law in the eye. She is such a negative, sour sub-human wench.
Ax was talking about his job. He is a draftsman, with an Associates Degree in his field. His company has just hired an engineer with a degree. This new guy will not be Ax's boss, only taking some of the load off him. He will have other job functions that have nothing to do with Ax. Ax expressed a bit of bewilderment over how this new engineer has been included in more of the meetings lately that Ax had always attended. I've told Ax that I believe the company realizes that his skills are best used drawing at his computer, not in meetings that obviously the new guy can handle. No big deal. However Ax has unfortunately inherited some of his Mother's pessimistic personality and tends to over analyze everything.
Then, Ax's mother (Wanda), ever so brightly interjects, "Well, doesn't this guy have a degree?" "Isn't he an engineer?" Basically insinuating that Ax is a piss ant who is insignificant and expendable.
I felt the blood rushing to my face. I wisely kept my mouth shut and let the topic fade away. My father-in-law asked me a moment later if were sunburned. I told him not unless the fluorescent lighting at work was finally getting to me. Hello, who the hell is sunburned in January? There's always the tanning bed, but what the hell?! I told him it was from cooking and burning desert that had me a little flushed. That was a big, fat lie. My face was red because I wanted to elbow my mother-in-law in the eye.
Wanda's comments obviously bothered Ax because he brought the topic back up. I basically asked her, that if she thought being an engineer was so important, would she be willing to help Ax pay for school if he went back? Her greedy, selfish eyes got as big as sauce pans. She immediately began to expound on how proud she was of Ax, and how difficult it would be to go back to school. She also began to go on and on about how materialistic too many people where, and how unimportant material things are. I still desperately wanted to elbow her in the eye.

It must be mentioned that his parents are loaded. However they are the cheapest, stingiest people alive. They are such tightwads that they will never spend money on themselves or give us one thin dime. Which I think is STUPID. They should be taking trips and cruises. It might mellow Wanda out a bit.

Guilt

I feel guilty. Ax and I imbibed this weekend. Rather to say that we got really, really smashed Saturday night. We had decent fun but the hangover on Sunday was absolute hell. I feel guilty because I am off the pill and what if I were to get pregnant and not know it?? I am a dumbass for drinking when I couldn't tell you for 100% that I'm not pregnant. What is wrong with me? It's obvious that I should refrain if there is even one iota of possibility. It just seems that I have this stupid notion that I'd just "know" if I were pregnant. But how could anyone "know" if they were only a week or two along? I suppose it would take longer to figure it out. I have decided that this guilt is not worth it. I will stop drinking. PERIOD. I have always thought that I was smarter than this. Endangering my unborn child for what? Falling into the bushes, pulling over to barf in my neighbors yard because I couldn't make it home and then a hellish hangover? I am going to work on being smarter now before I do something irrevocably ignorant.

It has really hit me this morning, as I am expecting to "start" today. I have been worrying and reading up on drinking during pregnancy. I've read that "binge" drinking during the early weeks of pregnancy can be harmful to a fetus. However what I've read also tries to soften the blow by saying that one episode of this before knowing you are pregnant will most likely not have any lasting result. Regardless, what moron would take the chance? I am that moron. But not anymore.

I Almost Strangled Him

Yesterday I took the pictures and Despised Plant to Ax's office. Of course he immediately told me to, "get that thing out of here." I laughed heartily and said okay. I might've carried on a bit more if I hadn't been on my lunch break and pressed for time. I had brought a pizza with me. We went into the break room and proceeded to stuff our faces. While eating, two of his co-workers stopped by. I smiled and spoke to them. We chatted a bit.

This morning Ax looked at me over our cereal and told me that he noticed yesterday, while I was speaking to his co-workers, that I had food stuck in my teeth. He said it was something red. Ax told me that he didn't want to tell me about it in front of everyone. I just sat there and looked at him.
Questions began running through my mind at an alarming pace. The main one being, "Are the fundamental differences between the sexes so drastic that my spouse, obviously a memeber of the male gender, would allow me to speak to and smile at his co-workers with food in my teeth and not tell me about it because he thought it would embarrass me?!!"
Often when such a situation occurs between Ax and I, I honestly try to "think like a man" in order to better understand where he's coming from or why he did what he did. I do this before I strangle him.
Well, I just looked at him dumbfounded. I couldn't come up with any explanation for why he didn't subtly tap his teeth with his index finger. Isn't that the discreet, universal way of letting someone know that they have food in their teeth? Ax having tapped his teeth in this way wouldn't have embarrassed me. However, being told the next day that I talked to his co-workers with big hunks of pizza in my teeth DID embarrass me.
I proceeded to tell him that I would've let him know if he had food in his teeth and was talking to people. I would've before this new information. Now, I'm not so sure.

The Poor Plant

Yesterday afternoon I typed up a hella long post. But guess what?!! This lovely blogger site decided to go berserk and wiped out my post in it's entirety. Son of a *!#*!! So here I go with a new one...hope it sticks.

Ax's company has moved into a new office. The walls are bare and must have pictures on them with a quickness. I went and bought four pictures and a little plant to accent the palm tree theme I was going with. Ax liked the pictures I bought, which was really great. He can be really, really picky at times. I am proud of myself. However, he DESPISES the plant I bought. It's not anything spectacular so I'm not really sure what his exact aversion to it is. It's just leafy and green. Not very big.
He told me NOT to bring it to his office when I come by today to help him decide where to hang the pictures.
I told him that I AM GOING TO BRING IT.
He told me I had better not.
I just smirked and left it at that.
Well, this morning as we were leaving for work he reiterated his negative decorative opinion of the plant. Then he took it and hid it.
Is he scared of this plant entering his office space??
Well, guess what? Ax left for work and guess what I did???
I found the plant. He had hidden it under a chair.
Guess who's bringing it with her today when she goes to his office to help him hang pictures???

I love being rotten. It's just so dang fun.

Lots of interesting stuff...

Two Parts of Your Heritage
1. Cherokee Indian
2. Alabama-ian....that's as far back as the history can be traced.

Two Things That Scare You
1. Worries about my husband's health
2. Not being able have children.

Two Fears You Overcame
1. Skydiving...jumping from a plane over the beautiful earth was liberating.
2. Working on overcoming my fear of shoes with any type of heel. I want to start wearing cuter shoes!!!

Two Everyday Essentials
1. My jewelry...I feel naked without it.
2. Lotion...I HATE dry hands.

Two Things You are Wearing Now
1. My new diamond butterfly necklace from my sweetie. It's an unspoken rule that if he sees me without it on for the next six months, his feelings will be hurt.
2. Ugly shoes. I didn't have any others that were the right color, so I put these on. ICK.

Two Things You Wore Too Much of This Year
1. According to Ax..."Radioactive colored lipstick." ...hey, I don't ask him to wear it, do I?
2. Ugly, flat shoes. I've decided that I will put a stop to this problem. Stat.

This year's Favorite Bands or Musical Artists
1. Audioslave
2. Coldplay

Two Things You Want in a Relationship
1. Respect
2. Trust

Two of your favorite Movies of the Year
1. Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire
2. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

Best movies of all time
1. Indiana Jones
2. Back to the Future

Two things You hate
1. Intolerance. Not everyone looks like you. Not everyone dresses like you. Not everyone has the same heritage. It's a good thing. If everyone looked, acted, dressed the same...THE WORLD WOULD SUCK.
2. Being on a diet. I like to eat, eat, eat. And not worry about it.

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. Blogging, reading blogs.
2. Cooking

Two things you learned this year
1. Having a family is the only thing that will complete me.
2. I love flavored coffee.

Two Accomplishments You are Proud of
1. Creating a debt payoff plan that I can actually stick to.
2. Skydiving.

Two Things You Want Really Badly
1. A baby
2. To be a stay at home mother.

Two places you went this year.
1. Jekyll Island, GA
2. Savannah, GA
Evidently I don't leave the state.

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation
1. Hawaii
2. Italy

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. Hold my grandchild.
2. See at least 25 states.

Two Ways that you are a Stereotypical Example of your Gender
1. I squeal like a little girl when a bug is near me and I make Ax kill it.
2. I think camping is yucky. Why do people voluntarily go places where personal hygiene is on hiatus?

Two things that make you stand out.
1. My fashion choices. According to my mother and husband, I am "Fashion Challenged". I think I'm unique.
2. My opinion of people and situations in general. My experiences with the population and court have jaded me in an often humorous way.

Two Things You Normally Wouldn't Admit
1. I wish I had more close female friends. It's sad but this blog is a way for me to connect with other chicks close to my age. I have no other outlet.
2. I wish I hadn't gone to college. I feel guilty for the $20,000 debt I owe for it. A degree is not required for this job, and I love my job. I don't want to look for another one that would require a degree.

Two Goals for the New Year
1. Pay off most of my debt with my schnazzy debt payoff plan. (I've been praying about the School Loan Debt, only God can deliver me from that horrible 15 year debt.)
2. Beg, con, or physically force Ax to remove the super-nasty brown, shag carpet from the living room and put down ANY other type of flooring.

Church

On Saturday nite Ax and I picked up my niece and nephew to spend the night with us. Aaron is 6 and Lauren is 5. We had a good time Saturday night and took them to get in the hot tub at Ax's parents house.
Sunday morning could've been better, to say the least. I made breakfast and asked if anyone wanted to go to church with me. Lauren said no, and of course Ax said no. Aaron said he guessed he would. I think the poor kid felt bad for me. Bless his heart.
Well, when Aaron said yes, Lauren said she'd go too. Well, all that evidently made Ax mad. He began a tirade about how I was just "tricking" the kids. That I would take them home after church and Aaron wouldn't get to play anymore video games with Ax. Ax was basically yelling at me. I told him to stop yelling at me. He said that this was his house and that he'd yell if he wanted.
Well, that pissed me right off with a quickness. I told him that this was my house too and he would not yell at me. All while this was going on I was disgusted that this dialogue was happening in front of Aaron and Lauren.
We rarely argue like this so why did we have to when we had precious little people with us??? Ax was just being a total jerk. I got up from the table and basically stomped to the bathroom to take a shower and get AWAY from him.
I got ready and it was almost time to leave. About that time Ax decides to come and talk to me about it all and kind of apologize. I know and sincerely believe that he would not have been nearly remorseful if I hadn't started crying. It's just that he'd upset me so much with his awful "tricking" comment.
Background: I know that Ax is biased against church because of his Mother's fanatic loyalty to her Jehovah's Witness cult. Ax has told me heart wrenching stories about how she'd put the church before her family in a second. He told me that once, as a child, he was sick with the chicken pox or some such childhood illness, and she left him to go to church. It has obviously bothered him quite a bit because he recalled it to me in regards to how he feels about going to church. Shame on her for doing that to him and her family. Shame on her for poisoning him towards attending church. On the other hand Ax has been so extensively warned by his father about subscribing to any particular denomination that Ax refuses to say he is a "member" of our church. Which is the only church he has attended in the last four years, essentially our entire relationship.
My own background with church is more than healthy if I do say so myself. I only want to go for 1 and 1/2 hours a week!! I grew up attending church about 3 hours a week, consisting of Sunday School and Regular Sunday service. Occasionally I attended 5 hours a week if I went on a Sunday night or Wednesday night service. Church is like a re-charge for both my spiritual and emotional batteries. Not only that but I do believe whole heartedly in the 10 commandments. And obviously if you are on the train for 9 of them then you've got to get that one about the Sabbath. I mean come on. I know that I have been humbled by having God answer my prayers. It has shaken my tree to know that He hears me. He knows if I am giving of my time to worship and praise. If I want miracles and blessings it's the absolute least and falls very short of what I should be giving to go to church for a measly hour and a 1/2 a week. I also pray outside of that however I feel that it's important to make an effort for God. To visit His house and praise Him with others. If I can get up and go to work five days a week for something as fleeting as money then I can get up one day a week for the Almighty God who has given me the breath of life. May he forgive me for not giving Him more when I know he undoubtedly deserves it. I fall short in so many ways. I will fight tooth and nail to go church for what little time I've set aside. I am thankful for my right to worship and praise God, what a fool I'd be not to exercise that right.

So needless to say, I cried and told Ax that he had no right to say those things to me. I also told him that I know for a fact that he wants God's miracles and blessings in his life and that there is no excuse for him not giving slightly more than one measly hour of his life in praise to God. Ax said that he believes God is everywhere so he can praise anywhere. I said that God is where two or more are gathered in His name.
Matthew 18:20 For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.”
When we want to see a person we go to that person's house, so isn't there logic in going to God's house to worship and praise???
So anyway, I cried and Ax, of course, got some conscience suddenly and decided to get ready for church. I know that he didn't intend to say he'd go to church with me, otherwise he'd have come in to talk to me sooner and had more time to get ready. But I wanted him to go anyway, even if we were late, just for the principal of it. But we weren't that late, and I'm really glad we made it.

A big downfall is that when I came out of the bedroom to get Aaron and Lauren ready, they could see that I'd been crying. I thought that I had dried it up enough but obviously not. We got a call later that evening from my dad because Aaron had told them that he'd heard Aunt Jenni crying and then she came out wiping her eyes. When my dad called I told him a very short version of what happened. He put Aaron on the phone and I told him that Uncle Ax had just made me mad but everything was okay.

Poor kid. I had wanted our house to be a haven from the insanity of the rest of my family. I feel really guilty over letting my temper inflame the situation in front of them. However part of the blame rests squarely on the shoulders of my spouse. I sincerely hope we never, ever have a repeat of anything similar in front of the children.

Accident Prone

1st occurrence that could've taken an eye out:
I was walking through the house last night. I went from the living room to the kitchen. As I walked past our roll top desk (that I want REMOVED from the premises unless I get a bigger house) a large glass candle fell off the top of it. Evidently Ax's sub woofers had done their magic and rattled it to the edge. It scared the daylights out of me. The candle hit the floor with more noise than you'd have expected from a floor with ugly, brown, thick, shag carpet. It shattered into millions of shards of glass all over the place. I picked up tons of itty bitty pieces and then I vacuumed five times. However I can still look down at the carpet and see shiny, miniscule shards still snuggled deep in the carpet. I HATE the carpet in our living room, but that's a whole other post. Later in the evening I was walking through the dining room which is couple of feet from where the candle broke. While walking through I saw a huge hunk of glass on the floor. Ax had been walking in the same area barefooted. It disturbed me greatly that he could've stepped on it and sliced his foot open.
Funny however incidental side note: The candle was from Sandy. The candle has now disappointed me just like she has.

2nd occurrence that could've taken an eye out:
A kind of skeezy but semi-good looking guy came up to the window to pay a ticket for expired tag. I had to get a folder down off a shelf next to me. Somehow I managed to oh so gracefully smack myself in the face (nearly my eye) with the rather sharp corner of the folder. I just laughed and said, it had been one of those days. He agreed that it had been for him too. That would've been one helluva workers comp claim.

Some days I just wonder how the heck I get around.

Welcome to My Life

I got a fancy schmancy coffee pot for Christmas. It's red and it matches my kitchen. It's digital and can be programmed to make coffee according to the time you set it for. That is if you do it right.
Not me.
I set it to make coffee at 7 p.m. instead of a.m. Okay, whatever. *Shrugs* Ax realized it and rolled his eyes at me.
Bite me.
The coffee I put into the maker is new. It's Starbucks expresso. It turns out that this is the nastiest coffee to ever offend my tastebuds. It tastes burnt. ICK. Ax took the reminding coffee package to a guy at work that he thinks might like it. I decided to take what I had made (after I sugared it up and diluted it with milk) to the office in one of those nifty thermos mugs. As I was sitting here at my desk, I reached over. I picked up the mug and put it to my lips. Then it seems that I had a major lip malfunction. Coffee went all down my chin and my shirt, even under my shirt. How the hell did I make such a mess? I laughed and showed my co-worker so that he could laugh too. Share the funny stuff, that's what I say. Thankfully it came out in the restroom. I only had a big wet spot on my shirt for the next 30 minutes to show for it.

Staring at the Wall

While I walk on the treadmill I stare at the wall in front of me and try to think of anything that will distract me. The treadmill is very tedious. I'm standing in the same place, walking, walking, walking and getting no where. Does this mimic my life? In some ways, I suppose. It surely reflects my job. Going no where.
The main point of this post is to write about the strange places my imagination can go during a seemingly simple walk on the treadmill.
1) What will my life be like in 5 years? Will I be on a treadmill in a different house? Please God, PLEASE. We have only two bedrooms. Will this room I'm in now ever belong to my baby, sans treadmill? If so, how will I decorate it? What would I name my baby (after fighting with Ax)?
2) If I were to write a book what would it be about? Once I began to plot out a book about a young girl who is wealthy due to inheritance. Her goal is to locate artifacts that are described in the Bible. She must research and decipher clues to locate the artifacts. Once found, they are kept in a secret location, guarded by a secret society.
3) If I had all the time and money in the world would I really care enough to research my family's history? I'm curious enough, but I am too lazy to actually do it? And honestly I really can't say that I even like most of my family, so why would I care about the family tree?!
4) Where would I go back to in my own life if I had a time machine? I know I'd go back to a few particular places in high school and say things to various people that really needed to be said. I'd certainly go back and tell myself to stay the hell away from my ex-husband.

I am pathetic. Who actually thinks about these dumb things, much less actually types them out?

So Much New Year Excitement Your Head Will Spin

SARCASM ENSUES
Phase 1: The night started with Ax and I attending a surprise party for his dad. Everything went very well. However it must be noted that the host is off her rocker. Ax's dad's sister, Glenda, is blind. The host, Kaye, began telling a story about how she took Glenda to the mall once and FORGOT she was blind. Kaye left Glenda on the escalator. Hello, only a MORON would forget Glenda is blind. Sheesh.
Phase 2: We meet Tom and Sandy at our house for a night of good times and laughs. Ironic, those are the very ingredients that were MISSING from our evening. First we traveled to the Mellow Mushroom. It was an hour wait for a table. To hell with that, so we made our exit. Sandy had never been to a club and decided that she'd like to go to one. We arrived at said club. Sandy stood around with a look on her face like she was too good to be there. If her nose had been any higher and it had rained, she'd have drowned. Come on! All you have to do is stand around a people watch. Trust me. That is amusement enough on a crowded night. Every wacko around puts on his spiffiest duds and struts his stuff. I actually saw the most hilarious mullet ever for the brief time we were there. Because of poor wittle Sandy, we left after about 15 minutes. Wasted a $10 cover, each. Dammit. I'm not what I'd call cheap, but I HATE wasting money.
Next, we went to Chili's. That was an okay part of the evening. The drinks and appetizers were very good. Sandy didn't seem too snobbish in that environment.
We decided, after leaving Chili's, to go across the street to a very groovy club. Sandy seemed excited about it. We'd read that the cover was $10 a head. We arrived to witness a guy passed on in the parking lot. He was a limp noodle. The security officer was putting him into a position on his side in case he vomited. I hope they called an ambulance for him. We didn't stay to find out. After being informed of a $2 coatcheck, we were told of a $20 a head cover charge. To hell with that. We exited.
Phase 3: We arrived at mine and Ax's house in time to see the ball drop, after stopping for drinks. The ball dropped and I was only expecting an intense smooch, sans tongue, from Ax. But I got a very nice surprise. A straight up, make my hair curl, kiss from him. What a great way to start 2006!! However after that, courtesy of Tom and Sandy, the night went downhill. I put on some funky old school disco, just for kicks. Sandy and I began to shake our groove thang. Tom began to berate the music, saying how awful it was, and how awful we were for enjoying it. He was also making racial remarks. This is a very sensitive thing for Sandy. Her great, great, great grandfather was black. Her step-father is black. Tom is a racist pig. It's something I truly despise about him. Needless to say, Sandy got seriously pissed at Tom. They went around the corner and came back. She did not look happy. She put on her coat and said she was ready to go. I tried to ask her if Tom could have his one freebee for 2006 now, so that they could enjoy New Year's. Oh but hell no. She was done with it. They hit the door.
The night was then left for Ax and I. We had a good time. It was actually more fun without them.
Another side effect of the evening is that now I am more than a little disillusioned with Sandy. I had thought she was a great chick. Now I'm thinking she's not so much the easy going, fun loving, normal person I had her figured for. It's certainly disappointing. I almost told her about this blog. Boy am I glad I didn't. It would SUCK to not be able to freely vent about it all here.